A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have feelings for my college professor. I am uncertain as to whether or not he has feelings for me. I have just a couple of weeks left until I finish college and will no longer be under his supervision. I'm hoping that I can see him over the summer - maybe we might go for coffee or drinks. I don't want to humiliate myself by trying to see him after college if he has no feelings for me. I have known him for about a year. We meet regularly to discuss work and have gotten to know each other quite well over the last while. We have seen each other a number of times at events outside of college - academic events outside of class hours. These are events relevant to my work that he's invited me to. We also went for coffee on one occasion. On a few occasions, he has invited me to drinks and dinner with his colleagues and him after these events. I've declined each time because I was too nervous and shy to go.I have noticed that, during our meetings, our legs sometimes touch underneath the desk. On one occasion I deliberately rested my leg against his and he did not move. It stayed there for the whole meeting. Although, perhaps he just didn't notice it. He often compliments my work, but, most significantly,he recently made some comments about my appearance. I was very surprised by this. They were compliments about my appearance. I do feel he was flirting with me on this particular occasion. I noticed he was blushing when he said the things. No other member of the academic staff has ever made comments like that to me. I haven't said anything like that to him. In fact, I don't believe I've given him any clear indication of how I feel about him. I'm trying to remain "cool". We often chat about personal things outside of college and I feel we get on very well. He's 10 years older than me and single. I have no intention of doing anything inappropriate while under his supervision, but I have just a couple of weeks left under his supervision. Then our relationship is no longer strictly professional. I want to know if it seems like he is interested in me and if I should attempt to pursue something with him after college ends. I keep overthinking the situation so I can't get a clear idea of how he feels about me. Professors: I would like to know, would you behave this way towards your students? Would you compliment a student's appearance or allow your legs to touch for a prolonged period of time? All answers are helpful.Thanks,Sue
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Thank you so much for the replies. It really helps me to think about making a decision.
I finish up in May. I know that I'm going to see him at an academic event in July, but I'd like to see him before that. Perhaps I should just wait and go to the thing in July and see if we end up going for drinks or coffee afterwards? I'm not sure how I'd go about giving him my phone number - at the moment we only contact each other via email. I'm very shy. I really like the man and I don't want to scare him off. I know he crossed the professional boundary slightly by complimenting my appearance, but I am reluctant to do the same to him. Maybe he thinks I don't even like him that way because I am not being forward enough. But I really want to be careful in a situation like this where a job could be at risk.
Another thing I forgot to mention: he sent me some of his own work to read because I expressed an interest in it. I read the piece he sent me and wrote back saying I really enjoyed reading it and explained what I liked about it. Then the next time we met I told him again how I liked it and how he should send me along the second chapter to read. (He's writing on a topic that's relevant to my work, by the way). His reaction was very confusing! He started blushing deeply,fidgeting, told me that I should be focusing on my own work and that it would distract me if he sent me more of his. Then he asked me again what did I like about his work. I said "I've told you already, twice." Then he said "Well we have plenty of time to talk about this... I'll think about it."
I thought this was an odd response. I didn't appear desperate to read the work, I just asked him casually. I don't understand why he wouldn't send me the second part if he had no problem sending me the first part. What could this mean? Again, I think this over and over so much that my judgement is no good. Any clarification is welcomed.
A
female
reader, Auntie5 +, writes (16 March 2011):
Many (most?) US colleges now have rules against professor-student relationships, and professors can lose their jobs if they break those rules. So it sounds to me as if your professor truly is interested in you. It's possible that he didn't feel your leg pressing against his under the desk...but only if his leg had fallen asleep. ;) I'd bet he enjoyed it as much as you did.Let him know that you'd be interested in meeting him for coffee or drinks after you graduate. You could offer to buy him a drink to thank him for his mentoring over the last year. Or you could leave out the "thanks" part, just offer to buy him a drink! If you're too shy for that, make sure he has your phone number and comment that you hope you don't lose touch with him after graduation. Best wishes, and keep us posted!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): I'm not a professor, but I was a teaching assistant who worked closely with professors and also interacted with students. I will say that I never encountered a situation like yours with any professors or any of my students, and that's mostly because I wouldn't have even considered it (I'm in a relationship, my profs were married, my students about 4 years younger than me). However, he's single, he's complimenting you and he's blushing about it.
Once you're out of his supervision, I don't see why it would be a problem to try to start something with him. He sounds interested, and ten years isn't really that big of an age gap. If you're interested in him, give it a shot. If you're not, it's not like you have to continue working for him! Best of luck! Keep us updated!
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