A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,What should I do the next time I catch him starring and smiling at me?I started a phd program in a new school a few weeks ago, and in the department almost everyday a lot of the grad students and some prof's gather for coffee or tea and interact with each other for half an hour or so.There is this guy (an older grad student) who always stares into my eyes and smiles when he is not talking to anyone. I am not sure how to explain the look in his eyes when he is looking at me. I have only talked to him 3 times, but very small conversations.The first two times I saw him during the coffee hour, he looked at me and said hi, he sat next to me but didn't say anything. The second time I had my pencil and book with me, and when I left I have no idea how I forgot my pencil there and didn't realize it. Then 5 days later when I was in the room, away from the people working on my laptop, he entered into the room and approached me and asked if I lost a mechanical pencil. After I realized that it was my pencil, he said I can pick it up from his office anytime I wanted. When I went to pick it up, he asked me how I was and it didn't sound like a casual how are you at all, and he had the same look and smile in his eyes when he stares at me. The next time he sat next to me and asked where I was from and we talked very little about his teaching. Then my friend started talking to me so we stopped. That day I noticed that when he entered the room, he was walking back and forth in the back of the room, then when my friend entered the room (she would come and sit next to me), he came and sat right next to me where my friend would sit.That was the last time we talked, but then I started noticing that he is staring at me all the time, and when I look at him we say hi and smile, but I look away really quickly (I am super shy, as most of the people in the department, we are math majors and most of us are very shy and introverts), he doesn't, he keeps looking. The last time I was standing and talking to 2 of the girls, with one of them I go to salsa classes, we were talking about the dance and the moves, and kind of doing the basic step, when I looked up and caught him again staring and smiling at me.I am assuming he might like me but is shy like almost everyone in the department or is a player. What should I do? Should I force myself to not look away so quickly when I look at him, or maybe approach and open up a conversation? Should I ask him why he stares at me like that? Thanks :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 September 2015): OP here
Hehe, thanks a lot, will work hard! And from what I have observed so far he seems very shy. I'll see what happens :)
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2015):
 If you want to get to know him better, smile back and say 'hello' and see if you can start up a conversation. I don't think it's necessary to ask him why he stares at you.
As you get to know him, you'll be able to figure out if he's a player or not.
If you don't really want to get to know him, you don't have to respond to his staring unless it gets to be very obvious and makes you uncomfortable.
Good luck with the PhD!
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