A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Whilst I was browsing on a free online dating site I came across my friend whos girlfriend is eight months pregnant. What shall I do. I've known my friend since school, at school I had a crush on him and decades later I asked him out, which he declined as he met this new women. I was disappointed but REALLY happy for him. Over the years we were in contact exchanging conversation about how things were going really well, our friendship grew closer as a mutual friend passed away which enabled old school friends to bond and reconnect into each others lives. Now, the issue for me is, I am single therefore browsing on line a came across his profile knowing he had publicly and regularly spoke a out his good news of becoming a dad. I feel very uncomfortable being aware of this information and can't say I word. It bothers me because I was with my ex for over a decade and have a child, it was only when it ended people said he was sleeping with XY and Z and that they could never say anything to me until now. It really feels awful to know of this information. I don't know his partner personally, but feel rubbish for not saying anything, I don't want to tell any mutual friends, but do I pretend I never saw it?
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 September 2015):
 Oh, I have to go with Tisha here.
What a perfect way to "confront" him. It's worded in a non-confrontational way, but it also lets you say how you feel.
It's, however, not your job to police his morals or behavior, but a not like the wording Tisha gave is a nice way of saying, if this is a new profile, shame on you Buddy - but at the same time (if it's an older one he forgot about) not a I will tattle on you!!
I think most people would WANT to know if their spouse/partner were straying but she is 8 months pregnant and have enough to deal with. So I'd stick to the message to him.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (21 September 2015):
 I think I would message him something like this:
"Hey, Vince, I came across your profile on one the dating sites I use. I wonder if you are aware that it's still up, now that you are about to be a Dad and all. People might get the wrong idea, that you're trying to cheat on your pregnant girlfriend!
"I'm sensitive to implications of cheating because my ex cheated on me and no one told me. It was hurtful at the time.
"Sorry for the awkward message but I thought letting you know I saw your profile was the right thing to do.
"Congratulations on the impending arrival of your new baby, and I hope all is well!"
That gives him the heads up that you did see it, and if it's possible that he just forgot to take the profile down, the benefit of the doubt.
Then if he doesn't take it down or respond appropriately, you can decide what to do next.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2015): I know someone this happened to so personally I think doing nothing isn't right.the person certainly did not thank all the people who kept quiet when they found out themself!you don't know for certain he's cheated though its just a profile, so I would tell your friend to delete his profile and pay more attention to his pregnant girlfriend or you will tell her yourself. Probably he will delete it.
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A
female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (21 September 2015):
 Hi,
ultimately, it's up to you to do what you feel is right and acceptable.
The fact is that you have solid evidence, by way of having seen him online and if his gf were to require solid eveidence, proof, well, she'd have it 100%, especially if hypothetically, somebody, other than you, were to tell his gf.
The question is, what do you do? You have been through this yourself and how did you feel after you were told, after you found out and after 'all' events took place?
Would you have preferred to find out sooner?
Regardless of respect, politeness, would you have wished to know much sooner and to have dealt with things accordingly at the time, as painful as it would have been?
I think it's better to know the truth, to come to the absolute realisation, accept what is and deal with it.
I personally, would like to know, but no two people are alike.
I personally, wouldn't wish to get involved, no matter how bothered i was, by finding out something like this.
I suspect that the truth has it's onw way of coming out, without the need for anybody to utter anything.
Karma, i believe in it very strongly.
You are obviously very caring, but it may be best to allow things to take their own course and let it be.
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