A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months now, and two months ago he asked for a 'break' which lasted only a few days. I don't believe in breaks but didn't get the chance to tell him at the time, and didn't think I needed to, since it seemingly worked out.He didn't explain in any great detail why he'd asked for the break, so I suspected him of just wanting to mess around and have a clear conscience while doing it.Recently, he and his roommate have been fighting and once, while arguing in my presence, my boyfriend in anger brought up the fact that his roommate had been cheating on his girlfriend, after which his roommate let slip that my boyfriend may have been less than honest with me about our relationship around the time that he asked for the break.I gave him the benefit of the doubt and didn't say a word because since we got back together, we've had a really good relationship. Just hearing his roommate though, brought back all the insecurities and bad thoughts I'd had from when he asked for the break.Then yesterday, my boyfriend left his phone in my car. Yes, I know I shouldn't have looked through it because it's an invasion of privacy. Before his roommate said anything, I would never have considered searching it at all. However, I found that he'd been complaining about me to some other girl at the time of our break, and 'joking' about her being his potential next girlfriend. I also found that he'd denied, to his roommate, doing anything with that other girl and said he'd only watched a movie with her. This implies that *something* happened, even if it was completely innocent, doesn't it?I'm unsure whether or not to bring this up because I think my boyfriend is a much more upstanding character than his roommate and I'd like to believe that he's done nothing wrong. Do I ask, or just let it be?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 I think you were snooping and found out facts that confirmed your suspicion, and maybe his complaints.
If you could not talk about WHY a break was needed in the first place, that shows you and he have communication issues.
What DEFINES a break to both of you? Just some time and space from each other, but the relationship still exists?
Or you get to see other people?
I would not come out and ask if he saw someone else on this break..but ask him what a break means and why he needed one.
You can say you have wondered what that really meant to him aand wanted to avoid it happening again.
Right now, all you have are suspicions, but listen to that innervoice and open up the opportunity to talk to see where his head his at.
Best Wishes.
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