A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy at a bar.. He was the one that talked to me first and he said it'd be a shame if we didn't see each other again. I spend almost 24hours with him after we met.Then I asked him to meet again by texting and he said yes. So after we met again I asked to see him again as I was leaving and he said yes again.So we met again and this time I didn't ask to see him again because I wanted him to but he didn't either. I know it doesn't mean that he doesn't want to meet again but it could.We have no friends in common. I don't want to seem needy or desperate, I just want to get to know him more and then see what happens or doesn't happen.He's already told me his relationship history (actual relationships not including the only sexual ones(I think, I'm not sure since that's more of a question for later times when we know each other more)) and how he was at different stages of life (social into sports in primary, kinda socially shy geek in junior high, etc).He is 7 years older than me. So what I'm technically wondering is, should I ask to meet up again? Or wait and hope he will? He told me he thinks a lot about everything.If he doesn't contact me and I don't we'll just most likely never see each other again and I like him a lot.. It's Sunday today and last time I saw him or talked to him was Wednesday morning because we spent the whole night talking.Sorry for the messy order and so on. My mind is just sort of not able to sort out where what should be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2013): Well, I don't see a problem with asking a fellow to meet you.
I have to wonder why he has to be asked? Why he doesn't ask you out? If he is the older of the two of you, it follows that he is the most experienced. Therefore; he knows to keep a healthy distance and let you lead the way. He is observing you, for the most part. You are too eager.
He apparently doesn't mind spending time with you. I wouldn't go dreaming up a relationship just yet. Woman tend to think a mile and seven days ahead of men in this respect. He doesn't call on his own? That is because he realizes you are looking for his confirmation, or affirmation, that there is something more between you than there is. He refuses to lead you on.
You are ignoring his subliminal messages.
If you wish to continue seeing him, do so. Just don't get your hopes up, or think you're manipulating him into anything. He knows exactly what's going on. He isn't going to encourage you into thinking he is interested in nor becoming, your boyfriend. You don't have to say this for me to see where this is going.
Having a good friendly chat with a man has to be taken for what it is. Just being friendly and enjoying companionship with someone of the opposite sex. It doesn't necessarily lead to anything. If more women realized this, it would save them a lot of stress and heartbreak.
He's just a guy you met in a bar. The first one that talked to you. People are leery of starting anything serious with people they've met this way. You are becoming preoccupied and your loneliness is quite obvious.
My, advice. Be careful, and don't let your feelings get ahead of you.
A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 I've learned that who approached whom is not of great importance. I have been approached and pursued by guys who later happily ditched me.
What's more important here is that twice, you have been the one asking to meet up. He has been happy to do so, but has made no move to ask you out yet. That's not a great sign. It could be that he's shy, but it could also be the fact that he doesn't need to do any running here.
You can contact him again and ask him to meet you, and I'm sure that he will, but it wouldn't be progress.
Don't contact him again. Wait and see if he gets in touch. If he misses you and realises you're not going to be running after him then he'll be in touch. If you haven't heard form him in a week then I think you can write him off. Disappointing, unfortunately, but it's the way life goes sometimes.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (19 May 2013):
 From the "sound" of your submittal, I'd say you are appearing as clingy and desperate (to him).... Soooo, he thinks that he's got total control of what (and IF) anything goes on between the two of you.....
I suggest that you "go silent".... UNTIL and UNLESS he re-opens contact..... Then - and only then - will you learn if he is really serious about you (is interested)..... OR, if he sees you as a likely sex-friend.... since desperation is usually a good indication that you will go further with him (have s-x).....
Good luck...
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