A
female
age
36-40,
*attieC
writes:Should i ask my mum why she hates my boyfriend? I’ve been him for 18 months however we were friends long before this, however she has never taken to him and is often rude to him and about him. She tells me not to get serious, accuses me of not thinking for myself, makes me feel guilty about seeing him. I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and i are both in our early 20s, he is a graduate in engineering with a good career ahead of him, a good job, a flat and a car, he is kind and makes me laugh and after a very tough year he continues to be there for me. Should i bring up with her why she has taken a dislike to him? I cant understand why she has. He is my first serious boyfriend but our families have known each other for years. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): It's a tough call because sometimes parents are right and sometimes they are wrong. It sounds like she's trying to protect you and she's probably doing it with the best intentions. Try to speak to her calmly about what the problem is, ask her for rational examples of what behaviour your boyfriend exhibits that she has issues with. It may be possible that she misses having you around so much and is worried that you are changing, which is a perfectly natural reaction from a lot of parents watching their children find love. Try to see the situation from her point of view, think to yourself "would I be happy if I saw my best friend in a relationship like mine? If I saw her being treated the way I'm treated would I be uncomfortable?"
Whatever you do, try not to get defensive with your mum as this may cloud your judgement on the situation. Keep in mind also that you're the only person entitled to make decisions in your life, don't let your mum or your boyfriend force you to chose sides.
Good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2012): Just ask. Get the facts. Moms rarely want to hurt their children.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (26 May 2012):
 Yes, open communication will uncover many a problem. You are old enough to make your own decisions without her blessing but she is older, wiser and loves you unconditonally so yes, ask her what it is about him that she doesn't like. You may be surprised by her answers. He may even remind her of someone from her own past, that turned out to be a toad. Plus once you uncover what's bugging her, you may be able to reassure her about these misgivings. Talk, talk, by all means talk.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I would ask her, and be prepared to REALLY listen. She already says you should think for yourself. Maybe she sees something that you cant see, maybe he does all the thinking in the relationship, and makes all the big decisions.
She may feel that as you see him as something rather wonderful with it all, career prospects, flat, car, earning capacity etc etc, that you are not recognising the wonderful person you are, or could be.
Or, if the families have known each other for years, maybe she knows something you dont, nor ever will, know that makes her feel uncomfortable with the relationship.
And finally, of course, it might not be any of the above and just her way of dealing with you being grown up with a boyfriend.
Talk to her, and listen, not just to the spoken words but also the unspoken.
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A
male
reader, Charter114 +, writes (25 May 2012):
Our parents, to a certain extent, will never like our friends, dates, fiancées, lovers, etc. At least, I know mine don't. At the same time, she's known his family for years. Maybe there's something you don't know about them, or maybe she just doesn't think he's good enough for you. Another problem with parents. But don't let her make you feel guilty. The most important thing is that you are happy and comfortable with your relationship. He doesn't beat you, from the sound of things. He hasn't gotten you addicted to drugs or alcohol from what I can tell. If he makes you happy, then be happy. Our parents can't make every decision for us, thank God. Talk to her if it would make you more comfortable, but don't let her cause relationship troubles. And never go to bed angry with anyone, especially family. You might regret it.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I would ask her.
It might be she is trying in an odd way to "spare" you or protect you, but it's not very helpful to you, so talk to her. She might not even be aware of how negative she comes across when the subject is your BF.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (25 May 2012):
 I would definitely call her out on this especially if you are getting serious with this guy and could see yourself with him for a long time and possibly getting married.
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