A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm 15, and finally accepted I was gay about 18 months ago after a lot of soul-searching. Last July I fell for one of my mates, and managed to get up the confidence to ask her out. She saif she felt the same way, and we sort of persued a secret relationship (only my best mate knew). The problem was, we were both so preoccupied with not getting found out, we barely made any time for each other and obviously couldn't show any sort of affection for each other when in the company of others. After a while, the heap of things unsaid grew too big and we were barely speaking to one another. Then, last November, I discovered that one of her friends had told all of my friends about us. An argument ensued, and we split up.Since then we've slowly rebuilt the close friendship we had before everything started, and a few months ago when someone outed us both at school we grew even closer. I never really stopped feeling anything for her, and now really regret not talking to her about things rather than ending it. As we've chatted we've actually worked through some of the main problems that kept us apart, and I do feel that it could possibly now work.She's bi, and currently has a boyfriend, by confessed to me and a bunch of mates she's thinking about ending it as he cares much more about her than she does about him. If she does split up with him, I really want to say something, but I'm not sure whether it would just destroy the friendship we've just rebuilt. And if I was to say something, I wouldn't know how to go about it. Please help xxx
View related questions:
confidence, has a boyfriend, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): I think if she splits up with her boyfriend that would be a good oppurtunity to talk to her about your relationship again. Your feelings for her must be pretty strong if you still have them after all you've been through! And I don't know if this is the case, but it could be that she still likes you too, especially if she doesn't like her boyfriend as much as he likes her.
About destroying your friendship... I don't think that it would ruin your friendship if you asked her out and she said no, you 2 are clearly good friends because you've already rebuilt a friendship after all that gossiping about the both of you - so that just shows that you have a good bond between you in my opinion.
And if she says yes .... :D :D much rejoicing!!
Good luck, keep us all posted!
xx Hope xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice, I feel a little more sure about how to handle stuff now. And in response to x..BabyGirl..x I wouldn't dream of saying or doing anything until I was certain that the current relationship was well and truly over; that would be more liekly to damage our friendship than move it on xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, x..BabyGirl..x +, writes (28 May 2008):
 If your feelings are still there then chances are her's are too. If she does break up with her boyfriend, then go for it, but if she doesn't steer clear until it's over. If you're afraid of people's reactions to your sexual orientation, then I don't think there's anything to be worried about, it's part of life, and if they can't grow up learning that there are people who are gay then they're not worth giving the time to!
...............................
A
male
reader, a-g55 +, writes (28 May 2008):
 Don’t think about protecting friendships. Friendships is an adjective that describes the relationships status. If she splits up with her boyfriend then you want to be there to listen to her if she is upset. Support her as a friend and pick up any pieces that you have to. Once you can read that she feels better u want to start having fun with her on a non serious level. Escalate slowly to something serious rather than sitting down and chatting about how you feel in the hope that by the end of it you might suddenly decide to create a serious relationship. At the forefront of your mind you should want to make the time u spend with her really fun and enjoyable. don’t worry about where its going. And what status u want to be at. If you want security then ask yourself why. What is security. Its like wind you cant see it you can only feel it. You can easily see if someone is having fun and enjoying themselves and your company so aim towards that. You can be secure friends which is far more fulfilling than being stuck in a relationship that needs TLC and maintenance all the time. it’s a FALSE sense of security that is forced. Natural security is when you have strong foundations that makes you want the person rather than feel like you need them!
...............................
|
