A
male
age
30-35,
*manmcc
writes:Ive been broken up with my ex gf for about a month and a half and i miss her so much. she was the one who ended it because she had a guy she met and i guess you can say she got a crush on him. this happened to me as well a few years ago but i never acted upon it because i know it was just a crush and that i truely love my ex gf. one of the things she said was that it wasnt fair to me for her to be thinking of this other guy while we were together. now i had the same thing happen to me so i know exactly how it feels but i think its kinda human/natural. maybe not thinking of them all the time but one of the problems was that we are eachothers first true loves and sex partners. We met when we were 14 and broke up at 22. so i understand she is curious about being with others as was i in the past but i truely worked through it and it seems she couldnt do it like i did:(. Also i dont think she likes him now because she realized he was immature and not a good partner for her. so we are both single and looking so to speak. I am an amazing person but this being my first relationship i truely see where i went wrong and ive made awsome progress since weve been apart. i know if we didnt break up i wouldnt have came to this realization so its obvious that it needed to happen but now i just want to be back with her again and to show her the new man i have become/am becoming. i dont think she would have acted on this crush had i been a better partner. we text somewhat often but mostly about things we have to like i owe her money and i have to keep in touch with her to pay her. i am almost payed up one more pay and ill be out from under her. i just want to know what you think i should do? as bad as i want to "if you love something let it go, if it doesnt come back it never was" I feel the person i was for the last few years wasnt the person she is going to completely miss. I know u probably dont think i could change that much in a month and a half but if u knew me and saw me now u would realize i have made absolutely rediculous progress this last month and a half and dont plan on stopping regardless of wether i get my ex back or not. so now what do you think i should do. i feel with my new learned knowledge and pinpointing of my faults we really can be an amazing and healthy couple. she had faults too but not nearly as many as I. i really want to be with her forever and i know now i can be the person she wants, not because i want to change myself for her, but because the person i wanted to be all along just so happens to be the person i think shes looking for. how can i show this to her if we dont talk and dont date? i cant have her on facebook because i dont want to see her with other guys etc.. so it will be hard for her to see my progress. i somewhat feel selfish for wanting her back so bad because i truely love her and want her to be happy even if that means im not the one for her. but i really think we are soulmates. should io ask her on a date? or is it too early? i just dont want it to be too late:(
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male
reader, Dodds  +, writes (26 February 2012):
 Hey I totally get what you're saying. Went through just about the same with my high school sweetheart ex and went through the whole man transformation thing and I continue improving every day. What I'd say is this; If you really want her, go get her, but realize the precarious nature of your current predicament and be willing to contend with having to share/compete with another guy for her affections while not losing your cool, becoming needy or overly jealous while at the same time letting the transfornmation you have gone through reveal itself to her in a natural manner. It's tough, especially when you trully love someone but if you want to go down this route, I'd better tell it as it is. Good luck
A
male
reader, dmanmcc +, writes (23 February 2012):
dmanmcc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your response! one thing is for sure. I do love myself quite alot and i know no matter what happens i will be happy. if i were to look for another girlfriend i would be looking for a girl with the exact same traits as my ex. the only reason i hold onto this girl is because i know human beings make mistakes. when you said the line about being the backup guy you are completely right and i absolutely hate it but the problem is this girl really is my soulmate and i really love her and always will. its not because i think i need her or wont be happy without her. Its because not only was this girl my true love she was also my best friend and from what ive seen and heard it is extremely Lucky to be able to marry a best friend and i totally agree. honestly if i had a choice i would love to just be over her and move on but its just the fact that we never dated others so it kinda makes sense she would want to date others. this happened to my sister she left her bf to date the exact opposite of him only to realize that she had made a big mistake they are now getting married this May. the other thing i left out is b4 she left me i wasnt myself i had let myself believe she would never leave partialy because she led me to believe that but i have learned alot from this breakup and my life is on a completely different track than it used to be 2 months ago. i went from workiong a dead end job and now im going to college, i quit smoking weed that i had been smoking for 6 years everyday, i have learned not to take things for granted even if they tell you that they will never leave. i have learned sooo much from this breakup as well as got my life back on track. its no doubt i had turned into the guy that she doesnt want to be with but i think i am now it just so happens that it is the person i want to be too. i dont blame her for leaving me i really dont. not because i have low self esteem cus i dont. but because i know that girl like the back of my hand and what i was becoming was not what she wanted. but im back on track now and u probably think its because im changing for her but truely i changed for me. what are your thoughts after reading this? has anything changed in your mind? do you not believe that people who truely love eachother would ever split up and get back together?
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A
male
reader, Dodds +, writes (21 February 2012):
From you're writing you seem to have made up your mind as to what action to take regardless what anyone says. Nevertheless I'd say let her go.She has stepped out on you not once, but twice!! Clearly she has been sending you signals but you aren't listening, she even flat out told you that she wasn't that into you anymore, albeit in a gentle manner but you just don't want to let the message get through to you're thick skull.Fine you both may have had something in the past but as far as she is concerned it was an experience in her journey towards finding her "one". Do you honestly love yourself so little that you'd rather be the back up guy she has on the back burner, you know, the one she turns to when she gets her heart broken by the guys she REALLY DIGS??Ever heard the saying "if you don't love yourself how can you expect any one else to love you?" From personal experience that statement rings through in so many areas of my life, and it should for you too. Don't put up with excessive BS from people in your life lest end up not being respected. I know what you are going through all too well. What has it been, a month and a half since she broke it off with you?At least she had the courtesy to tell you why, not once but twice!! Right now all you're really doing is putting her up on a pedestal and not looking at her faults and flaws for what they really are. VERY BAD. What I've learnt is that for you to trully be in love with someone, you have to be attracted to them sexually, emotionally and logically(i.e is it practical for me tobe with this woman now rather than later? Whether for financial reasons or other)Whenever any, even one of the three afore mentioned things is felt to be lacking, then it's never advisable to try and pursue a serious relationship with someone no matter how much you desire them. So step back, focus on you for a while, make new friends and meet other women (after all that's what she is doing and so should you)Don't pour every aspect of yourself into a partner under the guise of being totally, madly in love with them until they fully satisfy your selection criteria (and of course you're certain they feel the same about you) Otherwise what you'll get is an unbalanced relationship and you may grow to hate them over time, so take a step back and reassess.
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