A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I used to live with my dad up unti last year. I am 27 years old, and i have always lived with my family, partly because i haven't had enough money to move out, and partly because i haven't had the confidence or been independant enough to get my own place. My dad got remarried last year, and moved to another area. and now i live with my mum. However, i would really like to live with my dad and stepmum, maybe not long term, but at least for a short while. I would like to study a course in the local college in the area they live in, and stay with them while i am doing the course My dad won't let me live with him unless i have a job. I'm not sure if he'll let me live with him if i am only doing a course. I'm too nervous to ask him.Basically, he won't let me live with him if i am doing nothing at all. My dad mainly thinks about my stepmum now, and doesn't really bother much with me and my brothers, he doesn't contact us that much.We usually contact him. What should i do ?. Should i ask him if i can stay with him for a while ?. To be honest, i hate the area i live in, and love the area that my dad and stepmum live in ( i have visited there ), which is why i would like to have the experience of studying in another area. Hopefully when i get a job, that will be in another area too. I want to study to increase my chances of finding a job, as i am having a lot of difficulty finding one. I'm also hoping that studying will help improve my confidence.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2011): No, I don't think you should ask your dad if you can live with him. He won't be any more impressed with you being in school at age 27 than with you not working. His kids are raised and he has started a new chapter of his life. That doesn't mean he's cut you out of it, but it does mean he doesn't want to have to support you. And at your age, he shouldn't have to. Having no way to provide for yourself means that not only would he be supporting you, but so would his new wife. I wouldn't be too chuffed about that if I were her.You're going to have to face the truth here and admit that your real motive for enrolling in courses is to buy yourself more time before having to face that big scarry world out there. Jobs can, depending on the economy, be harder to find, but they're out there. You can't tell me Britain has been going through a job freeze for almost 10 years. Either you've got to broaden your parametres or start looking in the right places. Do what the rest of us do. Begin with something menial and work your way up. Besides, any decent employer at one of these 'good jobs' you're dreaming of is going to wonder how you've been spending your time all these years. A diploma only goes so far.It would be different if you were already working and taking extra courses to get ahead. I think your biggest problem isn't lack of money, but lack of confidence. Confidence comes from experience and success, and enrolling in courses isn't going to give you either. It may seem scary, but you can do it and one day you'll look back and wonder what you were so worried about.Until you can afford to live somewhere else, I'm afraid you're stuck at your mum's for as long as she'll have you.
A
female
reader, fishdish  +, writes (4 July 2011):
 Honestly, I think being dependent on family is not the way you get independent on family. you become independent by being independent. when i've lived on my own and come back to visit, I realize how coddled I was, but I fall into letting my family take care of the things I usually have to on my own.
You will not become confident in your ability to take care of your stuff if you don't give yourself more responsibilities and challenge yourself. I think you're at the age where you need to take more on for yourself. I know the job market is tough but as soon as you land one, and you can figure out a place you can live and survive in, I would move out.
Maybe this is just an American mentality, but 27 is really too old to be at home. Unless you figure out a way to substantially contribute to the household (making meals, paying bills for dad), your parents have already done their job--the child raising, and now it's your job to take what you have learned and make something of yourself. good luck.
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