A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a guy I met on tinder since December. We seem to get on really well and I feel that we always have good dates. After the 10th date, we slept together and have slept together a few times since. We have now probably been on 15 dates, did Valentine's Day today, brought each other chocolates etc, only thing is, he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend yet. Next weekend he's coming out with my group of friends, no doubt we will get drunk! Before sleeping with him, should I ask him "what are we?" Or should I leave it? I kind of feel that it's got to that stage now where I want to know. Obviously I don't want to ruin anything we have at the moment, but feel perhaps tinder etc should be deleted? What should I do?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 Do you want to be exclusive? Do you have feelings for him? Or would you like things to be open?
As it stands, it appears you are in a relationship already. These things don't always need to be discussed, in most cases they flow naturally. But some people, myself included, have a need to get things in clear print. I don't like blurryness or not being sure. Also, if I haven't been asked to be exclusive, there is no guarantee that I will be. My sexuality is, unlike most others, not driven my emotions. If I am to be exclusive I need to make it a conscious choice. So I prefer to have it in clear writing, not so much for my own sake, but for the sake of the guy Im with. Men ARE like women in this respect, they want meaningful and committed relationships as well. It's just not talked about in mainstream media.
You're not going to scare him away if you have "the talk", you're probably just going to flatter him and make him happy.
When I start to feel like I want commitment, I ask for it. If it's gotten to the point where I feel we're more than just "dating" and that there's feelings involved, I have the talk. If I get to the point where I want all rights to myself, so to speak, and not willing to share, then I ask for exclusivity. Although, I always ask for it BEFORE I have sex with them, but I don't see it as a problem that you've already had sex, unless one of you actually has been going around sleeping with others at the same time.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 I think it's fair enough to ask him WHAT are we after 15 dates and also to talk EXCLUSIVITY.
If he says:" you are my GF of course!" And yes to exclusivity THEN I'd bring up a:" maybe we both should delete Tindr."
It is NOT RUINING anything to ask where you stand. It's been 3 months of dating so I do think it's a good time to ask this.
Let's say he DOESN'T want a relationship, then YOU can choose if you want to have a casual relationship or... move on and find someone who DOES want a relationship.
Is it really worth it if you feel like you CAN'T ask him something like this?
Personally, I think it's WAY smarter to ASK these questions BEFORE having sex. Like;" ARE you looking for a relationship or casual sex thing?" That way you know before you get too invested in it. But since you already had the sex, BETTER ask him now than dragging it out.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): I am guessing what you really mean is should you be exclusive? Seems that you are acting life BF & GF. A few basic questions as you havent mentioned them - do you feel some connection? Some possible future together? Or is it just sex?
To answer your question, before sleeping with him yes you damn well should know what your relationship consists of. Respect yourself woman. If its not him then one day you will meet someone who really does it for you and this bloke might be an embaressing blot in your dating history
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