A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to be married (2nd time for both of us). Because of her work my wife to be has developed many male friends/acquaintances including some who have been keen to take it further than platonic. She presents very innocently of all this and was in the past talked into being a (married) artist's model (for a portrait, although the artist is renowned for his nudes). When she mentioned that she was seeing me he became cross "I missed my chance" and broke off contact for nearly a year. They got back in contact again recently and agreed to have lunch together. She told him she was now engaged and he was congratulatory. This doesn't sit easily with me but she is very reassuring and I trust (her) completely that nothing will happen. But it still feels funny and I don't in the slightest trust him (although to be fair I have never met him). Am I just insecure?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (27 February 2017):
 I do understand why you feel uneasy, but as you have said yourself you trust your wife so that should be enough to reassure you that nothing is going to happen. Although I do wonder why your wife agreed to meet him for lunch after her last encounter with him. Have you spoke to her?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): I think you have giod reason to be uneasy in this situation. First of all your fiancee posed nude for this guy, and he DID NOT keep it professional but sleazily triwd to pick her up during the time she was posing. There was a sexual element to the whole thing, at the very least on his side.I dont think it is appropriate of your fiancee to continue to go out with this man without you given the past sketchy situations. She should have more ommon sense and self reapect than that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2017): It is contradictory to say you trust her completely; then say you don't trust him. You obviously don't trust her to have the common-sense or will to handle him, and keep it professional.
It's a known fact she has many male acquaintances; and some are attracted to her. That sir, is a fact of life for most professional and outgoing attractive women. So if you thought she was too popular among men, you should have withheld your marriage proposal. Was she supposed to purge all her male friends and colleagues as a gesture of good-faith in exchange for her engagement ring?
You have to hold jealousy in-check. As for the artist who wants to paint her naked, determine why she is so fixated on his offer? Is it the money, her desire to be immortal on one of his paintings; or a response to his rejection? Are you prepared if it's all three?
I think this should all be worked out now. Don't wait to be married; and then punish her with retroactive-jealousy. Being married would be torture for both of you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 February 2017):
 Why should you trust him or even like him?
But, if you let your distrust in THIS (or any other guy) creep in and take over you are letting this (or other) man create waves where there aren't any.
I don't think your wife-to-be is at ALL interested in him in a romantic way, so whatever notions HE had/has are really irrelevant.
And while your wife-to-be may seem innocent, she is also a GROWN woman who CAN (I hope) set boundaries with these male friends.
You could suggest the guy in question (or any other male friends) come over for a lunch or dinner (or meet then out for a lunch/dinner) - it might help YOU get a better picture of these men, but also show your wife-to-be support in her friendships as well as let these men see and meet you. It is amazing how something like a polite and pleasant lunch with someone's partner can cool their heels.
I think since you two plan to marry meeting each other's friends is a good idea BEFORE the nuptials?
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