A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Due to a variety of circumstances my wife and I haven't been intimate more than a handful of times since the birth of our second child in Jan 08. For the past year she has been battling what the dr's say may be a hypersensitivity to yeast, may be a bacterial infection (that's the latest theory), but in general keeps her pretty uncomfortable down there. Prior to that we were going through some tough times with our child being very small for his age, though that has not affected his development other than he is a small kid, at that time it was quite stressful.Sometimes she says she feels OK "down there" and it is at those times that I say to myself that I should see if she would want to have sex. But I'm afraid that she will just break down if i ask, since it's been so long, and she knows it's not been me. So, I sit quietly. She's going through a new treatment now, but her dr said it may be a few months. Next time she says things seem Ok, should I ask, or just continue to hang tight?Another alternative would be to see if she would be interested in helping me out but not letting me touch her there, but I feel that would be too selfish as well so I don't ask. So, I end up masturbating in bed and not sleeping well because I go to bed wanting her. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): @Oregon, thanks. Well the first dr who thought it was yeast said that it would be OK, kind of left it up to her. But she had a bad week with it and sought a second opinion (of a better MD) and he thinks it's not yeast but bacteria. So he wants to give her an antibiotic and also put her on the pill for a few months b/c he thinks she may be allergic to her own progesterone! Well I think I will approach it tonight since I think it will go over a little better with her a little tipsy after the night out. Takes a little of the pressure off at least.
A
female
reader, chigirl33 +, writes (21 August 2010):
first of all, a woman's body goes through lots of changes. i will agree that a yeast infection does not last two years,but there can be some other underlining problems, maybe she's going through early menopause,which could cause those type of side effects. second, i don't think that you should approach her by asking her for sex, maybe you should try easing into it(kissing ,patting,light foreplay)and seeing where it leads, if she does not stop your progression than proceed with caution.third, intimacy is not just penetration, maybe you could explore other ways that can make it enjoyable for the both of you.lastly, i don't think it's selfish to want her to "help you out",maybe you both should sit down and talk about it, maybe come to an alternative that will satisfy both parties.it seems like your scared to approach the subject because you don't want to upset her.you would never know until you have the discussion,whats going on with her. maybe,her telling you that today does not hurt so much is her way of saying maybe we can try to have sex today. remember your not the only one, not having sex,she's missing out ,too
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Original poster here - To the first responder, I know - the discomfort hasn't been 2 years, but after our second was born the first year she was breastfeeding and didn't want me anywhere near her during that time, then his failure to thrive was a big stressor on both of us so I don't blame her for not wanting to have sex. She has been putting the issues on the back burner for the past year maybe because I haven't been pressing her for sex, I suppose, and maybe as an avoidance method. Well she is out drinking with her girlfriends tonight so we'll see if she's in the mood later.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (21 August 2010):
Well what does her Dr, say? will it bother her? honestly being a woman, i would like it if i knew my man was still turned on by me but also knew he was concerned about me too! and that he is willing to wait until i heal that's very comforting to know!! there are other things that ya'll can do! let her heal for her motionally & phyiscally and she'll heal quicker and if her mental state is that you are very understanding it makes it all that quicker. you sound like a wonderful husband.
Best Wishes!
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A
female
reader, bookworm  +, writes (21 August 2010):
 Well... I think you could try to make her feel good in other ways... I dont claim to have any experience with sex, or anything like that, but I do not that touching "down there" isnt the only way. Try giving her a sensual back massage, or neck massage on days when she is feeling okay. If she wants to try to have sex, she will show it when she is feeling really good with you like that. Also, a massage will relax her. And if she doesnt want to have sex, your making her feel good will make her want to do the same for you, so she might stimulate you in ways other than sex, if you get what I mean. I hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): OK, first...yeast or bacterial infections do not (or should not) last 2 years. Second, if she's getting it treated, why isnt it working? Third, why can't she help you out...why is that selfish?
Sounds like both of you do not have much intimacy, and if that works for you, that is cool. But dont allow yourselves to become detached over this. Sounds like you are dealing with it well, but is SHE? Are you sure she isnt avoiding sex? My ex wife would milk yeast infections for WEEKS to avoid sex.
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