A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I would like to seek an advice about an incident that happened way back 1990 when I was 19 yrs old.At age 15, I never had any boyfriend because my parents were very strict especially my father. I am not much exposed to society reason my parents decided that I begin to involve myself in religious organizations where my Mom and Aunt were very active. At age 16, I began to feel that a priest liked me. He was also our chaplain in our organization where my Mom and Aunt were not only active members but they were officers of said organization.At young age and so naive, I felt butterflies in my stomach whenever the priest comes near me. We talked non sense and sometimes he made advances. To cut short, eventually at age 19, he was able to kiss me on my lips. My first kiss and nothing more than that. But, my Mom found it out and my world turned upside down since. Because of that incident, I was never free at home and lost the trust of my parents. I became rebellious after my Mom called me names and I even committed suicide but survived. My life since then went downhill and I was lost emotionally with no one to turn to. Marriage was my solution to get out and be free from my parents. My marriage did not work out and I am left with 3 kids and I am currently the sole provider.I always have nagging feelings that if only nothing happened between the priest and me, my life would have been different. But at the same time, I also have this thoughts that I need a closure from the priest WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID and WHAT WAS ON HIS MIND when he asked to kiss me and what was the conversation between him and my Mom that my Mom turned her back on me and cursed me. From hearsay, I came to know that he turned things around and told my mother that I was the one's after him and making advancements.Eversince 1990, I distanced myself from this priest despite so many attempts he tried to talk to me privately. Not until, this 2016, we had few exchange casual emails but nothing personal. And this nagging feeling came back again that I want to ask him a question for my closure. WHY HE DID WHAT HE DID AND WHY HE TURNED THINGS AROUND AND MADE ME THE BAD ONE? WHY? It turned my life upside down and took me years and decades to get back to myself again and regain my self esteem.Can I ask him a question and know the truth?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 November 2016):
 Honey maybe it would help to talk to a professional in your area xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear AUnts and Uncle,
I will take your advice and will try to forget what was from the past. I carried my ordeals by myself and life experiences were so difficult because I was an abandoned child but I learned to get back on my feet again and restore myself. No, I was unable to speak to my Mother and have a heart to heart talk. She passed away last 2002. I am very secretive and hardly tell about my problems to anyone till I found this dearcupid site. Thank you very much for enlightening me and your advises are helpful. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (4 November 2016):
Sweetie you are holding on to this hurt. Closure is not going to happen because he is never going to admit anything to you. My guess is he knew he was doing wrong so he blamed you and sadly your mother believed him. Yes your life could have taken a different path if this did not happen, but you also need to remember that it could have taken a worse path.
What that priest done was take advantage of you and your young nature. I am so glad you ignored him trying to contact you after that or perhaps things could have been a lot worse. I am sorry your parents treated you the way they did and that your marriage did not work out. But you have three children now to focus on. They are your positive outcome in life. Stop emailing this priest he is trouble. Let it go.
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (4 November 2016):
Nope...How much of your happiness have you lost from holding on to the past? Going back...AGAIN...to ask questions will only hold you in the past even more. Your parents were blinded by their own foolishness.
If your parent were true Christians, they would know this...
Ephesians 6:4 Parents, do not treat your children in such a way as to make them angry. Instead, raise them with Christian discipline and instruction.
Also this... "When parents give their blessing, they give strength to their children's homes, but when they curse their children, they destroy the very foundations."
A kiss is just a kiss. Nothing else was done. A simple conversation of how you should move on from this would have saved you a life time of heartache. The priest though wrong, is not the one who cause you your pain. He was the fire wood, Your parents was the match, and your rebellion was the gas...If you had humble yourself in spite of all the challenges...that is where things would have been much different. Anger has never solved any problems in this world...ever.
Now is not the time to look back and put blame. If you believe and trust in GOD...then let him take you where you know you should be.
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A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (3 November 2016):
 I'm truly sorry you went through all this--for enduring what what the priest did (by essentially taking advantage of you) and your mother for cursing and punishing you.
I honestly feel though--- that it doesnt matter why he did it--why he kissed you has no importance. Let me explain: I think you were young and attractive and he knew you had this crush on him and he took advantage of the situation---thats pretty much it. Some reasons for why rape happens or sexual harassment occurs is BECAUSE these were perverted, mentally sick men who had access to these victims. Theres not much to it, there is no love story, no sympathy, no nothing. He felt you were attracted to him, he was perverted and kissed you and your mom caught him. You can ask him but he can ,again, lie and say he didnt do it and that your memory is twisted or he can conjure up some fake story to stir your romantic ideals of him
The closure you seek I think, is the closure between your mother and you. I feel like her punishment and judgement of you was harsh, unfair, and unmotherly. Have you thought of talking to her or cutting ties? Have you sought or seek professional help in dealing with this? Do you have a support system right now to help you deal with this? Maybe what you seek is professional therapy to be able to move on from your traumatic childhood and past. The blame here is not so much the incident but the cruelty of your parents to punish you all these years---you were a victim of the priest and then essentially became the victim of your parents.
The closure you seek may the forgiveness from yourself and allowing yourself to pull through in life and overcome being the victim in life. I hope you can seek professional help and overcome this--good luck.
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