A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi allsorry if this is long, I need your advice on how to get over a crush.To start off with I am 28 and the woman I have a crush on is 40. I have never been out with a bloke before so obviously as you can tell I am very introverted, or so my family think. I have never been interested in men at all but never really said anything to my family so they just think I am shy, have never said anything to them about being attracted to women as they are very Catholic.Anyway the woman I am crushing on lives on her own round the corner from me. She has never been married or engaged and doesn't have a boyfriend. Says she couldn't be bothered putting up with some Bloke's crap. She has no idea I like her as anything more than a friend and I would never say anything either as she is straight and I don't want to freak her out. I was attracted to her the first time i met her and we became friends through a mutual interest (our dogs). I have known her for about a yr and half and love hanging out with her. I have had a serious crush on her for the last 8 mnths or so but we never hang out without going out with our dogs unless I ask her. She usually says yes but she always organises to go to pubs, movies ect with her other friends. She was telling me about her breakfast with her friend this morning then going underwear shopping ect with her afterwards. I know I have no reason/right to be jealous that she organises things like this with her friends, i guess its just that i feel i am just a hang out with the dogs cause i am convinent sort of thing whereas she happily organises to do other things she actually really enjoys like going out on the town with her other friends. Whenever she tells me what she has been up to when we walk the dogs i feel so upset that she would never even think of asking me out to places like that. So finally, how should i proceed? I don't want to tell anyone i know about it and feel so down about it. I wake up on mornings that i know i am going to see her and feel happy the whole day then when i see her i know that nothing will ever come of it. Even when i am out with my other friends for coffee ect i feel guilty for wishing i was with her.Should i try and keep my distance for a while? Would love some advice on how to get over her.Thank you so much for your help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks heaps for your input guys :)Glacier, as hard as it was to read your response, I needed to hear it. You are right. She is just not interested. I used to hope in vain with things like her txting me that she had gotten some new food for her dog and would mine like to share that things could be looking up but she was obv just being friendly. She used to tell me to stop by after my night class finished and invite me in for coffee at 9 at night so i had this glimmer of hope.But la femme jolie i am almost 100% sure she is straight as she once told me she loves a certain breed of dog cause a guy she used to go out with owned one and she loved it. Yes i know, sometimes dating or even being married to the opposite sex doesn't necessarily mean you are straight but i think i was just wishfully thinking that might of been the case with her.I have decided to try and put some space between us as it really does upset me and affect my mood. I haven't seen her since last week and have not contacted her or vice versa. I won't be rude about it but will try and see less of her as it hurts too much to be around her knowing she will never return my feelings.Thanks very much again for your advice guys :)
A
female
reader, la femme jolie  +, writes (5 May 2013):
If your friend is gay, you should be honest about your attraction. This is the initial step. But leave the possibility there for her that if she's only interested in friendship, that you will be fine with that. Otherwise, you might lose a friend. If you cannot handle just friendship, and the attraction is not returned, you must accept that and let her go. Such is life. Love is always a gamble.
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A
male
reader, Glacier  +, writes (5 May 2013):
You already know she is straight so you know it's never going to happen between the two of you.
If it really gets to you then you should probably let her go and avoid her.
You seem to be just an acquaintance to her which is another sign she really isn't attracted to you in a meaningfull way.
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