A
male
age
26-29,
*bjectivist Thinker
writes:Thanks for all help in advance. I finally managed to apologize to the girl I've been going after, albeit through a letter delivered by someone else. It said something along the lines of "Sorry for being a coward and a fool by having others give notes to you and shouting "I love you" last year, but I just didn't think someone as smart, attractive, and popular as you (out-of-letter: though my friend says she isn't popular) would want to talk to someone like me. However, I would still like to talk to you in person, so if you could talk to me, it would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading all this."My friend reports that she threw it away, after crumpling it and sighing as she did so. He says it was a sigh of annoyance.However, I do not know if he is telling the truth, since I only have his word that the letter was delivered. By all accounts, I've no way of knowing. This brings me to whether I should apologize to her or not. A friend gave me her home phone number, so I was thinking of calling it, but I do not know if I should.What is complicating things most is that I have several unusual fears regarding her. The first is that I cannot talk to her unless I am forced to if we work in the same paired-up group in school, and this is only out of neccesity. If I've a choice in the matter, my body won't move, no matter how many times my head says "Do something! Talk to her! Right Now!" I just can't make myself do it. The seond is the fear that if I flirt w/her as some have advised that I do, she shall report me and I will have some drastic punishment taken out on myself. And then there is the fear that in an area w/a lot of other people I will screw up and never here the end of it. The last one is that if I don't act soon, she'll get a boyfriend or a relationship other than one w/me, and I can't stand the thought of that, since I love her or at least feel like I love her so deeply I don't think I could live with it at all. Currently I am talking to her friend on facebook on-and-off, trying to rectify the stigma I've built up around myself as a "stalker" for having others give her notes and then for shouting I love you. Usually if someone calls me one, I play along b/c I can't think of anything else to call collecting information on someone that they do not know I have so I can contact them somehow and this cannot be doing me any good either. So, what I am looking for is answers to my problems, and suggestions on how to deal with them. On a side note, I also like another friend of hers (not the one I am talking to) but she hates me *even more* than the one I started off liking.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (5 November 2009):
 You've got it bad, don't you? Oh dear.
Sweetie, I have news for you, very few girls actually enjoy having a secret admirer who seems a bit 'off'. And the way you're approaching this whole thing is off. It makes you look like a big goofy chicken, and while an older woman might think it's cute, it is NOT attractive to a teenage girl. Especially if you slink around and do a lot of staring.
Girls can be cruel and mean, but you are setting yourself up for rejection by being too shy to speak to her. How do you know you have anything in common with her if you've never really had a long conversation? I think you have her on a pedestal, as Rhythmandblues said, and have built up this fantasy about what she's really like. Because you've been keeping your distance and admiring her from afar, you've been able to concoct this whole image of her which may have zero to do with the real girl.
Instead of apologizing, try to find a way to simply talk to her like a normal person. That will go down a lot better than trying to figure out a way to deliver apologies. If you have a sense of humor and can make her laugh, all the better.
Good luck.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2009): Ok, here goes. You have a really bad crush on this girl whom you never talk to, don't you? It is cute really.
But the thing about crushes is it is all a figment of your imagination, she must be a very attractive, pretty girl to you and you have put her up there on that pedestal and built her up so much in your mind that she would never be able to live up to your expectations.
I don't think you should deliver any more letters to her and you don't owe her an apology for anything. If you were to continue to pursue her and she told you she didn't want the attention then yes, it gets kind of stalkerish.
It is mean of those kids to taunt you with that name, but kids this age just like to act tough and mean and cool and in doing so they pick on people who are kind of vulnerable.
If you can take her down off this pedestal you have her up there on and you can accept the fact that she is just a person like you, you might have the nerve to actually talk to her and get to know the real her...But that is up to you.
As far as the other friend of hers you are crushing on, same thing goes for her, too.
Take care.
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