A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi... I was seeing this guy over the summer who is at an Ivy league business school and I'm in art school so we're opposites. Anyway over the summer he took me out to some really nice dinners but I didn't act too interested. Then I realized I liked him... by this time he became uninterested and inconsistent with returning my calls. Finally I told him his inconsistency was confusing me and that was it.We ran into each other again like 5 months later and immediately started seeing each other again only this time I slept with him because I liked him and I thought he really liked me. He would call me almost every day, but then go out of town on the weekends frequently and I wouldn't really hear from him until he got back. Valentines came and went while he was out of town and he didn't even say happy valentines day. We never had a discussion about a relationship but I expected he would act more interested then just calling me and hanging out with me once a week since we sort of had a history. I opened up to him but he did not open up to me. Finally I started to get fed up because I didn't see this progressing at all. I said something to him after not returning his calls and he acted like he wanted to try harder and I just hadn't communicated anything to him... then he went out of town again and I didn't hear from him for like 5 days. The day after he got back he called me and I impulsively acted kind of crazy... saying I didn't think this would work because it wasn't progressing and he didn't act like he really cared about me and I didn't feel like he tried at all... Obviously this was a little strong and even though he said he would try and change a bit he got freaked out that I mentioned relationship... he got off the phone shaken up and I texted him let's just be friends... I haven't heard from him since which I knew I wouldn't but now I regret blowing up at him... I like him, maybe this stuff takes more time but I figured if he really liked me he would have acted differentlyQuestion Should I appologise or is it a lost cause?
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 March 2008):
 You are welcome!
I don't see blueykisses response too.
Try looking in your account, your question ,most discussed or under Questions.
Maybe it will surface later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionit said i got a response from "blueykisses" but i don't see it anywhere?P.S thank you Laura for all of your responses!
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (18 March 2008):
Absence makes the heart grows fonder.
Sometimes we don't know what we miss until they are gone.
I am glad that you took the initiative to write and bridge back the connection with him.
Nothing venture , nothing gained.
I wish you all the best.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who responded! I really appreciate your honesty. I waited 2 weeks and decided that even though i now realize he doesn't want a relationship i did miss talking to him so even though i think all of your feedback was correct i wrote him anyway. This is what i wrote to him some of it true some not so true about most of it being unrelated to him:
i know i acted kind of crazy on the phone last week. I was going through a rough time because everything in my life was becoming increasingly chaotic. I don't even remember exactly what i said, but i know i projected my frustrations out on you even though they were unrelated to you. You were being compromising but i wasn't listening because i was frustrated with other things... I wasn't looking for a relationship, i was just looking for stability, which i communicated in the wrong way.
HOWEVER I was not expecting him to write back and he did:
thanks for the note. Sorry things have been so chaotic recently, and I apologize for not being more sensitive to that. Things have been rather chaotic for me as well these days, and that's been a big distraction as well. I'm out of town for the next few days (shocking, huh), but let's connect when I get back. Have a nice and relaxing weekend!
My friend says this proves how casual he really is about everything what do you think...
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (12 March 2008):
You were a bit pushy and he instinctively withdrew from you .Maybe after some cooling off, he may find you back again.Keep your fingers crossed.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (11 March 2008):
An apology does not cost you much.
Whether he returns to your side or not , you can get closure.
There is nothing to lose but much to gain ..
That is if you like him and want him back.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Don't apologize to him. You wanted a relationship, and that's not something that should upset people. But I agree with Paladin and Collaroy: it's a lost cause. You'd better move on.
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A
male
reader, Paladin +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Don't appologise and yes it is probably a lost cause. The only reason you even thinking about appologising is to maybe start the communication again and it won't work. You already knew it wasn't going anywhere but you thought you could push it along and it didn't work. By the way this rarely works. If he was truly intimately interested he would have pursued you as you pursued him. You sound like a very nice person and I doubt you need to pursue anyone. have some fun and move on. Find someone who will respect and appreciate you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (11 March 2008):
 Hi,
sorry to say but it's a lost cause. You both look like you want different things, and you are polar opposites.
Imagine if you actually had a relationship, you guys can't get on now and you aren't even going out together!
Move on and start affresh.
Good luck.
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