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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 21 year old woman, and have been married for 8 months. My partner and I have been together for 4 years and have a 2 year old son. About 12 months ago we started to spend time with a new circle of friends, Michelle and Rick. I started to have feelings towards Rick, but then just brushed it aside, and put it down to his flirty nature. About 3 months ago my husband and I were over at there house, having a few drinks when they began to argue. Somehow I ended up sitting with him, discussing the issues in their relationship, and how bad things are. then out of no where he began to explain to me that he has had feelings for me for quite some time and wanted to know if I felt the same. I replied and told him that i did feel the same way.We were holding hands and just sitting together. he then got me up and took me around the back of the house. We were hugging and touching. He then walked over to the gate so we could go for a walk and his partner came out and started accusing us of having an affair.Things aren't too bad between us all again, but Rick has been acting quiet strange around me.The longer it has been the stronger my feelings have got towards him. My husband knows, and we are very open about it. He thinks that i should talk to the Rick and find out what it is between us, but i am not to sure if that is the right thing to do. In two weeks he is getting married. I don't want to be the cause of him not getting married.What should i do? Should i tell him and then we can decide together what to do, or should i just leave it alone? I am just worried that whatever i do, someone is going to get hurt.Signed Lonely and Confused
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): I think many people will get hurt. You are worried about breaking up Rick's wedding/marriage. What about your own? I am confused about your husbands support in this matter. I would expect my husband to be completely outraged if I said I had strong feelings for another man. I understand your confusion as I am confused too. Are you really willing to ruin 2 relationships for what you only know as 'attraction' for the time being. I advise that you do nothing for a long time. Do not see Rick and Michelle. Stay at home with your child and husband and work on what is going wrong in your own marriage before you to consider wrecking someone else's.
I doubt any good will come of this sitaution at the present time and urge you not to get carried away with emotions. You will hurt yourself, your husband, your child, rick and Michelle and I am sure there are other family members who will not understand and be greatly hurt if not very angry. However affairs of the heart are difficult to predict and control. But if you are confused, it is best to do nothing until you are more clear.
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