A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for about 1.5 years, we live close and spend about 5 days a week together.For the first 6 to 8 months of the relationship it was very difficult mainly because I found she used to bring up her ex everyday, obviously lots of unresolved feelings about being hurt etc and I was patient and tried to be a good listener and it wasn't until 8 months I told her she really needed to move on and stop talking about him.I had a big problem with them being in a FWB type situation for a few months after they broke up (From their 5 year relationship) and couple of months before meeting me. It was that they were having casual sex that bothered me the most, especially since the other guy was in a new relationship with someone else.My girlfriend has done everything to move this guy in her past, and put me first, which has been very reassuring.However all of this has come up again because he contacted her out of the blue and said he has a couple of gig tickets for a band she is really in to. He can't make it so is giving her both of them.My girlfriend wants me to go, but I said no. She keeps asking why, but I don't want to talk about it, and go over old ground, as I will no doubt end up saying something that will really hurt her.I have a big problem with accepting these tickets and would prefer to have nothing to do with it, since I feel I would be a hypocrite to accept them. I told her she should take a friend. She seems upset that I won't go, so other than just remaining quiet and waiting for it to pass, and hoping things get back to normal, I don't know what to do.
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broke up, her ex, her past, move on Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chickpea2011  +, writes (29 June 2011):
 Hi,
So far you've been an amazing boyfriend and both of you are lucky to have each other. After a 5 years relationship, it takes time to move on, the love is not the problem, (I am pretty sure she loves you only), but more so the attachment and the history. Sometimes attachment can be stronger than love.
How you helped your girlfriend was perfect! Also, asking her to stop when you did, was the perfect timming. She needed to heal, you gave her a fair enough amount of time and when you asked her to stop, she did and not only stop, but she showed you in so many ways her love for you.
About the tickets? I am a girl and to me I don't see anything wrong taking the tickets from her ex. As I see, and I think this is how your girlfriend thinks is "free tickets" and you said she enjoys the band, so another reason to take and go. (This is a girls perpective)
You (the man) admit being hypocrite if you accept?, plus pride because its from your girlfriends ex (the only problem that you both had)?
To me the fact that she accepts the tickets means she's "totally over him", because there's no anger, am I making sense? If she still have feelings, she wouldn't accept, nevertheless, ask you to go.
Anyways, don't over think too much... Who cares and what's the big deal? "Its free tickets", but the most important thing here is that after so many months of patience, compassion, understanding, you helped your girlfriend through and she's yours now and totally in love with you..
Wish you both happiness and good luck!
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