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female
,
anonymous
writes: Here is my dilema. My husband and I were married in April and separated in June. I love this man more than anything in this world. But after we got married, thing went downhill. He totally shut me out of his life, did not ask me to a family reunion, is only an every other weekend husband if that. He is NEVER around. Yes I have hurt him in the past as well. When things go wrong, I admit that I do get angry and write him some hateful note. I have so many regrets. I really, really want this marriage to work. The other day he said that he just wants to pain to stop. Really never outright asked for a divorce. But to me, in his own way he did. Just by saying we will not go to counseling, that "what is going to happen a month from now?" Thing like that. Should I just accept that this is over with?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2005): Go to counseling. Now. This week. If your husband will go with you, that's wonderful; if not, go on your own.Love is selfless and unconditional. It's something you do, not something you feel. It sounds to me as though neither of you has been doing a very good job of loving the other. The good news, though, is that YOU can change that.Starting today, treat your husband with love. When you have negative thoughts about him, push them aside by focusing on the positive. There's no need to call him and tell him you're turning over a new leaf if that's something you've done before. Just change how you relate to him. Resolve to not get angry with him, no matter what he says or does, for a week. Do nice things for him and expect NOTHING in return. Seriously. Be giving and generous and completely selfless. Do it for a week. Then do it for another week. Then for two more weeks. By the end of a month, things will be improved. They won't be perfect, but they'll be better.
A
female
reader, bethany2k5 +, writes (3 December 2005):
i think you should sit him down and tell him how you feel and if he felt the same im sure you could work somthing out!
it worth a try!
good luck
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A
male
reader, DreamMaster  +, writes (3 December 2005):
 Hi,
All is not lost, but you do have some work to do,
I would say first off you need to take yourself to some kind of Anger management course.
Everyone gets annoyed and loses their temper a bit, but some people (like you) push the boundaries of what is considered acceptable anger action. Try to find a limit of what you think it is acceptable to do when you get angry, ok you might raise your voice a bit, fine, but sitting down and writing him a hateful note is not spur of the moment anger, it is long lasting anger. This is not acceptable, and you should consciously tell yourself not to do ANYTHING like that when you are angry. Easier said than done of course, but God gave you free will, you just need the willpower to take back control over your body when you lose your temper. Consciously congratulate yourself later on for controlling yourself where previously you would have done something hurtful.
Regarding your husbands state of mind, the poor man sounds beaten, you are the cause of the pain in his life – he probably cant love with you or without you.
All I have to go on is your short question, but I think if you sort out your anger management issues, and show him that you have, he may begin to let his guard down again.
Then he might be more open to go to counselling.
So no, it is not over already
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A
female
reader, Angel ron +, writes (3 December 2005):
 Sometimes it can be a very difficult and a hard thing to accept. However you don't have to accept its over completely you can get expert counseilling help and advice. sometimes I find that the spritual element is usually the best cure for this . However there is nothing in the rule book that says you can't remain friends? Have you tried asking whether you would like to stay friends and keep in touch that might be another move you can try this way it can help heal any sorrow pain or resentment.However if you have to sadly and painfully accept that your marriage is over their is nothing to say you can't meet someone else and have some fun for a change why not try having a girls night out with your friends and try living a bit spoil your self. Put yourself first this is important buy something nice that makes you feel and look sexy or teat yourself to something that you have never had before likea long fun and exciting holiday/ See for every cloud there is always a silver lining. The Key thing is don't worry have some fun and put yourself first for a change be no 1
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