A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi,Are these reasons to end a relationship?*we only get to sleep together about 4 nights in every 2 months due to work commitments, even though we live 5 miles apart! His excuse is that i wake up far too early as he's a late sleeper and i fidget in the mornings, or i go to sleep and he is wide away for a few hours. He seems to prefer sleeping in his own room than with me. * i feel i over pay my way in this relationship by trying to be fair but end up feeding him a few times a week cos i invite him over, being friendly. I can't go to his place cos he moved back with his parents to save money!! and they don't know i exist. btw he isnt married.* I usually end up driving when we go out of town and he never offers petrol money or use his car more fairly. However, he's quick to ask me to share the cost of some things and petrol if he does use his car on a journey!I thrashed out with him some of these things, in the nicest possible way, and he came back with one excuse after another why he cant sleep with me a little more often, such as once a week! in the end he got a bit funny and made a crazy statement about me wanting him to give up certain things he likes to do in his spare time, which are very important to him.. we haven't spoken since The good points in our relationship are that we get on very well personality wise, we laugh, we see a lot of each other although not much spending the night together, we do love each other, my children think he's nice and genuine.i don't really want anyone else but he can be a bit on the selfish side and I'm a bit confused cos no one's perfect, should i accept my bf for his faults or forget him?thanks
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 as a woman who is with a man with many faults that I opt to accept I'm not sure I would accept the ones you list.my boyfriend and I are 90 miles apart it's nearly a 2 hour car trip one way and yet we see each other every chance we get.... i will spend 20 out of 31 nights with him in the month of May. That's a bit more than we usually do but only by a few... most weekends are 2-3 nights and our plan is to move in together within a year or so.... he's moving to me.that being said... we both pay for things... even though I travel to him in my car and pay the gas, he pays the tolls.we've been together 6 months but only serious the last 2 or so and the second he knew he was serious his family knew about me. when we met my bf told me his life was very structured and scheduled and there was very little time for me. all of that changed once we got serious... now his time that used to be spent online gaming is spent with me.... and that is HIS choice. I was fine with him continuing to game online but he felt it took time away from us.your guy, he's just not that into you. You are, as a friend of mine said to me about my guy before we got serious, a "convenient presence" it's easy with you...can you be happy with the current arrangement for a long long time? best advice make a list of all the pros in the relationship on one half of a piece of paper om the other half next to it make a list of all the cons of the relationship.... then compare the lists... it will help you decide what to do.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I don't have a clear cut answer for you, but his excuse is just an excuse. Not a real reason. Me and my boyfriend are both late sleepers, but he falls asleep earlier than me, example around 11pm. I don't get sleepy until maybe 1 am. And then I often lay awake and take forever to fall asleep. If we go to bed at the same time I lay there for at least an hour or more just trying to sleep. But I do that every night.
If he's left to sleep he sleeps even longer than me, despite falling asleep hours earlier. Doesn't bother me. If he's got work early in the morning (I rarely have early shifts, usually start at 3pm) he gets up and gets ready. I live in a tiny room that I rent, which means the kitchen and bed is in the same room. It is not a problem! I do wake up when he wakes up, but once he leaves I fall back to sleep. Or I just put my hearing protection gear on, which I have by the bedside anyway since I wake up easily and my landlord has kids and there's a kindergarden next door full of screaming children.
If you want to make it work, you make it work. Simple as that. There really aren't any problems, just solutions, as the saying goes. His excuses are lame. Or he's stuck in a routine of his life and can't handle changes. Which in itself is a bad quality.
Then there is his money. He doesn't have any. You need to just accept that. If you can't afford things, then don't offer to pay. If you can't afford to treat him to dinner, don't offer dinner, or tell him that if he wants some he needs to pay for it. If he can't afford things, do inexpensive things. Talking together and going for walks is for free. Enjoying each others company is for free. Many museums and gardens are for free. Maybe it's just me being used to be poor, a student as I am... but when it comes to money you need to either stop paying, or ask him to pay. You can't sit around and wait for him to be generous when he honestly doesn't have that much. Whether that is a deal breaker or not is up to you.
Some faults are accepted. Does he make you happy? Then keep him. Try to work around the sleeping arrangements if you can get him aboard on that one. But most likely he sleeps alone because he prefers to sleep alone. Don't take it personally, but it probably isn't his "thing" to sleep next to another person. If you offered a guest room for him to sleep in he might be more comfortable, unless he is so set in his routine that he is only comfortable when he can do the exact same routine every morning without change.
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A
female
reader, me81 +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I think you know inside your heart what's going on here, don't you? listen to your gut! If he wants to spend time with you, he would drive 30miles every day if he has to, that's how love make us act. He should treat you like a princess and no matter if he or you make more money, there's always a way, most "gentlemen" would not let you spend on them. Just something to think about :)
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