A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:basic question is whether or not i should give my virginity to my best friend?hes liked me a lot in the past, and i have liked him at points, but i am the non-commital one. he wants a relationship and i dont. hes never asked me to give it up, and never alluded to the fact that he would like to take it. he loves me, as a person and a friend. im not saying hes *in* love with me or that those words in themselves should be a deciding factor per se, but that i know me giving it to him would mean something to him.im afraid of losing my virginity to some random guy while im drunk. im drunk a lot. i know that it would mean more to him than it would to a drunken one-night stand. i know he would try his best not to hurt me, because he frequently treats me like im more breakable than glass. and he thinks im hot (hes never pharsed it like that, he prefers to be gushy and go into details about why im extremely attractive to him) which is a plus so i dont feel so self-conscious.all weve ever done in the past is cuddling, touchy-feely stuff, and making out. hes not a virgin. so theres all the background info i thought of staright off the bat. yeah i know its kind of a typical "friends with benefits" kind of thing and honestly im not opposed to that. i dont want a "real" relationship right now, and i am not planning on saving it for marriage or even someone i plan on marrying. i just want it to mean something to who i give it to, and i know that its fairly likely that ill lose it drunk. i also know its veryy likely that i will not be in a meaningful boyfriend-girlfriend relationship anytime in the near future. advice? anything is helpful. feel free to be brutal. i can take it :))
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (24 November 2009):
 If you thought it was trivial to have sex with someone the first time, you would have done so by now and you wouldn't be posting such a LONG post about it.
You say you might do it while drunk, but you haven't.
Somehow I think it means a lot more to you then you are admitting.
So, my vote would be, don't.
if you got to ask wether it is a good idea, then it isn't and all you really want is to be talked out of it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): Dont do it.
Im all for loosing the virginity with someone you know rather than a stranger, but this guy is not the right option.
If you have no other candidate I suggest you wait with the whole project. And if you are scared to loose your virginity while drunk, stop drinking so much that you loose control over your actions. This is a red flag as far as your own well-being goes. What else would you do whole drunk that you wouln't want to do had you been sober? Things you would regret? Before you end up on the statistics of a rape victim, or drunk and driving, take better care of yourself and dont drink so much that you loose control over your body.
Now for my reasons why not to have sex with this particular man: he likes you. He wants a relationship with you. He cared about you. You on the other hand are just looking to use him. Chances are high he will be on your back like never before if you have sex with him. Giving your virginity to him will be special for him yes, more special than it would for you. You'd be leading him to think he can be with you for real. It will ruin your friendship, thats a definite.
If you want to be with him, in a relationship, I'd say go for it. But if you are just looking to use his body to get rid of your virginity, I say a huge NO. He's liked you for years, what do you think he'll feel for you after this? Most likely he'll get obsessive, hoping to be in a relationship with you, and be very hurt when you push him away.
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A
male
reader, MrJayCupid  +, writes (24 November 2009):
my advice is to just do what you feel is right.
as you said, he is your best friend and would treat you right compared to someone drunk on a one-night stand.
just think things through before-hand and decide is this is really what you want.
i also agree with Tisha-1 about the 'i get drunk alot statement'...it is very dangerous, pathetic and a bit sad.
im not sayin dnt go out and have a good time, but dont go so mad that you dont know what or WHO you are doing.
you should make sure that you are physically and mentally ready to lose your virginity.
and to be very honest, a one-night stand isnt the best way.
in my opinion i think you should wait and find that special someone who means alot to you and you to him so its not just meaningless sex.
but if you really do want to do it with your best friend, then by all means, go ahead!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2009): dear female, is it not illegal for under 21s to drink alcohol in america..? good grief, get some priorities.
i would feel disturbed if my best friend came onto me. if hes never said he likes you, how do you know he thinks youre 'hot'?
you should wait til marriage.
PATIENCE.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 November 2009):
 If you think virginity is something to be disposed of quickly and with as little emotion as possible, by all means, your friend sounds like a good candidate for the job.
I think it sounds a little sad that you'll have this as a memory to last for the rest of your life, but hey, that's me. I think it's more important to ask what your value system is, what you think you would regret least when you are ready to be in a relationship and when you are ready to get married. I'm not advocating that you must stay a virgin till marriage, I just think you haven't worked through how this will change the friendly relationship into something that isn't well-defined and it will affect the way you perceive him and yourself.
I also saw a problem in the 'I get drunk a lot' statement. You're putting yourself in bad situations if you're getting so drunk you can't control whether or not you're going to have sex with some random guy. That's really sad and rather pathetic, not to mention dangerous. (I understand the appeal of drinking, it feels like a lot of fun and makes you giddy and have a good time. I just see what you are describing as a big red flag.)
I had a girlfriend who would drink too much too, kind of a party, fun thing. It developed into full-blown alcoholism. She's dead now, died at 46, because she never figured out how to handle her alcohol consumption. It happens to real people.
So, my question to you is this, if you have to ask a bunch of strangers on the internet whether or not to lose your virginity to a guy, are you sure you're really ready to do so?
I feel sorry for you. Take care.
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