A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband left me for another woman back in 1991 and subsequently married the mistress. Afer 10 years of being divorced from each other, we reconnected and have been seeing each other since 2004. He moved from another state to be closer to me, but is still with the 'mistress" due to fathering 2 children with you. He feels guilty about leaving her, but is torn because he wants to come back to me. The am at my wits end and know that the only way he's going to leave her is for her to find out. Should I get someone to tell her? This is a woman who destroyed my marriage and home. My husband wishes he would have never met her. It takes everything out of me to keep my mouth shut and not tell her.
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divorce, ex-wife, mistress Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Well, very bad situation if you ask me. Here's something someone once told me when I was involved with a man who lied and cheated:
When you marry a man who is cheating on his wife, you've married a man who cheats on his wife!
I would try and move on. I just got totally bamboozled and feel horrible but these men are very slick. They know how to pull you in. It destroys your self esteem. They feed on you for their ego. Find someone who is available to YOU totally and who you can TRUST!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2010): leave him, you deserve a guy who treats you right
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009): Isn't this a movie featuring Meryl Streep and Alec Baldwin in theaters now... You people are caught in a self-perpetuating vicious cycle. The population of the planet just hit
6,792,400,000. I am sure you can find another man and the likelihood is that he has more scruples than your ex. An ex is an ex for a reason and to go back to them will more often than not cause you to unlearn the lesson learned from their mistakes and deceit.
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A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 So he comes back to you and then a few months later you start feeling suspicious, just a nagging feeling in the back of your mind. So you start checking his phone and email etc.Someone will have to be in the role of mistress. Who will it be though, her or someone else?He doesn't care you or her next to himself.You're both wasting your time
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (26 December 2009):
 Who destroyed your marriage? Not your husband who cheated on you and left you for another woman.
Denial, it must be a really nice state, since so many people choose to live in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Tell him to tell her or kiss you goodbye? This situation isn't making you happy at all is it? Nopes. So what do you do? Something! Telling her yourself isnt the right thing to do, you know that since you've been keeping shut now for quite a while. I also do believe your ex-husband would get mad at you if you went behind his back and told his wife (the "mistress"). But right now, YOU are the mistress on the side. Don't let that happen to you! He needs to go for you or not go for you, not juggle his wife and you both in the air. It makes no-one happy.
So my advice is: either you find happiness with your ex-husband by him leaving his wife all on his own, OR, if he can't leave her, you move on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2009): Why would you want to get back with your ex? He abandoned you for someone else, and now you're going to let him come crawling back? Now he's going behind his new wife's back! Plus, he doesn't even want you back badly enough to leave her! This guy is a scumbag and you need to remember he left you and deserves alot of the blame for breaking up your marriage. Stay away from him and go find someone else that will treat you right.
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A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (26 December 2009):
 I understand where you are coming from....but in my opinion...he is playing with two lives here! Both you woman are being used by this guy!
Are you sure he wants you back or does he want you to play the role of the mistress this time? Just a thought!
I would be silent to the time being. See how it plays out.
And remember that this woman didn't single handedly destroy your marriage. Your ex had a huge role in it too!
If he will only leave her if she finds out, I assume what you are saying is she will have to throw him out. Please correct me if I'm wrong, but to me, this guy wants his cake an eat it too!
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