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age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: uhm so a question: i'm at a pretty young age. maybe i shouldn't be thinking of this yet but is it normal for a wife not to give her husband "his needs" whenever he wants it if she's not under any condition where she can't but just everyday life? Because when I've always thought of being married when i'm older part of being a wife is fulfilling your husbands needs even if it's 3 times a day everyday but I've noticed that many women keep it locked from their spouses. is this the way its supposed to be? just a question Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your opinions ! i think i'll still feel bad once i am in marriage not to give it to my husband but we'll see how it goes, and yes i'm 15
A
female
reader, bluegriffin  +, writes (20 May 2011):
some women do "satisfy" their husbands three times a day. but after u hav ben n a relationship long enough to b married neither of u usually want it THAT much. alot of women feel less inclined to do the deed as often as their partner and some women want it more often. when u get n a serious relationship sex is important but its not the most important thng. it is important to comprimise. if he wants it every day and u want it once a week, try for three times a week. ur partner should b very important to u so his feelings and needs should b too. dnt get too worked up over this. this type of knowledge will come with expirience. just find someone u love who loves u back and the two of u togethr can work out the details!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 The world has changed! Once upon a few years ago, rape was considered impossible in marriage in the UK because the wife was considered to be the man's property to do with what he would and he had a perfect right to sex as and when he wanted it.
If the wife resisted his demands, he could take her anyway and she would have no come-back in law.
This, of course, is no longer the case, and quite right too, since both parties in a partnership have equal rights and neither one should ever feel pressured into doing whatever he/she doesn't wish to do.
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A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 Well as long as it doesn't feel like a chore, and both parties are benefiting from it, there shouldn't be a problem.
If someone starts to with hold sex from their partner, that
could be considered as unhealthy and not the way things should be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): A relationship where one partner expects the other to tend to "his needs" (or hers), and the other always gives in no matter what, is not healthy and loving. Neither is a relationship where one partner freezes the other out. So no, this isn't the way it's supposed to be.
Two people who are in a true loving relationship will try to balance both of their needs. It's rare for both people in a couple to have identical sex drives, so both (ideally) will compromise to make the other feel wanted and loved. So the one with the lower libido won't feel pressured, and the one with the higher libido won't feel rejected. (And there's no guarantee that the husband will want sex more than the wife--it is often the other way around.)
It's a balance that must be renegotiated over time, as your lives change. What works when you are first married may not work so well when you have a baby and neither spouse is sleeping well, for example. But it's important to maintain the balance, to keep the relationship strong.
And, btw, it's perfectly normal to start thinking about this at your age.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): I think that women should want to please their husbands not feel obligated to. My fiancee and i have two children together one is fifteen months the other is just twelve days old and while my sex drive diminished while i was pregnant i still had sex with him until i really couldnt anymore as it wasnt comfortable. But i always wanted to satisfy him and even if i wasnt horny id give him a bj or handjob at least. Not because i felt like i had to but more because i love him and i really wanted to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): Until scientific advancement made in vitro fertilization a reality, sex was necessary for the survival of the species, but not necessary for the survival of the individual. So men do not NEED sex. They desire it, as do women when they aren’t being told it is their duty.
Marriage is most certainly NOT about women being on call to fulfill men’s desire for sex. That is what prostitution is for. Marriage is a partnership in which both parties agree to combine resources and work together for their mutual benefit. It’s about security, affection and companionship and where reproduction is desired, a stable family unit for children to be nurtured in.
Women, like men, may decline sex for any number of reasons, the most common being fatigue or frustration. A woman who is happy, not burdened with a heavy workload and is getting what she wants and needs from life and the relationship is more likely to want sexual intimacy.
Just remember it this way:
Men WANT sex. They don’t need it.
Women WANT sex too. It is not their duty.
Either party is free to decline sex for any reason
Women tend to decline if they are not happy in life or in the relationship
It is not up to men to decide what women’s duties are
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2011): Uh, not quite honey... but let's see how many guys say YES!
Being married does not make your body a play ground for your husband. Sex is a JOINT thing, it's two people coming together, not a woman spreading her legs and letting her husband "do her". The man pleases the woman and the woman the man. Both stretch, both have to be in the mood.
When I was younger I knew guys that thought that they were due sex every morning. Those marriages didn't last, probably because they were too immature to be in a relationship.
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