| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: How do you 'know' when its over in a long term relationship? Is it a bad idea to break up because of a loss of the spark/feeling attracted to other people (i.e. normal kinds of relationship issues) or should it be something more substantial, i.e. lots of arguing, grown apart (which we haven't)I don't know whether my relationship of 4 years has reached its limit, just cos i'm having these doubts....but when I tried to break up with my boyfriend I literally couldn't do it....I felt terrified and we've been through so much together. Help.
View related questions:
a break, spark Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I am in the same boat exactly as both you and the person that has replied before me. Its as though the situation isnt so uncomfortable that you have to change it but it isnt particularly exciting either. You wonder if this is all there is to life. I am contemplating leaving my b/f to see if there is someone more suited to me. Although it is hard to pluck the courage up to make the break. Also it is the fear of making a huge mistake that can often keep is where we are.
A
female
reader, Susan Strict  +, writes (5 June 2008):
 The "spark" always fades. And you can always re-light it if you both make the effort.
A long-term relationship is about being able to get along together. It is, simply, a partnership. You can't expect to share everything you do, nor always have a constant feeling of desire for your partner. Being together makes getting through life easier and more comfortable - and anything more than that is a bonus.
It's not what you've been through that counts. It's what you will go through in the future that matters.
The "big things" that sometimes break up a relationship shouldn't, in my view, cause a break up. Mistakes, disagreements, money problems, lies, even affairs - they can all be sorted out. It's not big things or little things that mean it's time to move on. It's whether or not you have to go your separate ways to reach other goals in life that are more important to you.
Only you and your partner can decide on your own individual priorities, and decide whether you can reach whatever it is you need to achieve together or by parting.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): Reading your question was as if i had written it myself. I dont have an answer for you but I am in exactly the same position as you right at this moment and i dont know what to do either!!I dont feeling desperately unhappy and yet i dont feel happy either, Im of similar age to you and i dont know if its the thought of settling down that is beginning to petrify me or whether the relationship has just naturally come to an end. Me and my boyfriend dont really argue but then I dont really think we have much to talk about anymore either, I think he could just be contented to remain as we are and settle down etc but I think I just want more and to see what else is out there for me!!?!
...............................
|
