A
female
age
41-50,
*aive
writes: This is the most bizzare situation I have been in and I am in the brink of loosing my mind. I have with my husband now for 9 years ( 2.5 years married) we are about to have our first child together. Unfortunately during blood work the doctor told me that I had an STD. I never been with anyone else but him. When I confronted him he told me about a one night stand he had 7-8 months ago.He said he is willing to make it work and apologizes every second but I dont know what to do? Is it over?
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one night stand, std Reply to this Question
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female
reader, tammy0124 +, writes (21 September 2009):
i felt anger and hurt when i found out that my husband gave me a std too while i was pregnant. i also felt like i was forced to forget about it after 3 days of finding out. i have a way of hiding my feelings and act like its ok but its not. he walks around here like nothing ever happened and i have to be ok with that. we have 2 kids already and been married for 3 years now. hes the only guy i ever been with seen i was 16. i may have put it aside but i have not truly forgive and forgot. if you're still with your husband have you and if so how did you cause i need help and dont know what to do after my baby is born.
A
female
reader, armywife10124 +, writes (13 August 2008):
First I would like to say this... NOBODY SHOULD JUDGE YOUR SITUATION!!!! Because the same females that tell you that they would leave have the most fucked up realtionships! But you know what it is easier to run away, and maybe that is what you need to do. But it takes some strength to stay with that man and work it out. People change, but you have to not do what is best for your child. You have to do what is best for you so that you can give the best to your child. I would recommend that you guys go talk to someone before making any sudden moves. And if after a while you see that shit aint gonna how you want it leave. But it sounds to me that you already made your descision to stay. I hope that you guys dont pretend that it didn't happen. You can forgive this man, but you have to start focusing you. After you have the baby, get back in shape, get into a church, love you again. Then after that forgiveness will come, BUT FORGIVENESS IS NOT STUPIDITY. That means make that man work for it. IF he wants to work it out he will go talk to someone, he will go to church. Whatever it takes, he will do it. Also remember your husband is stll human, HE IS NOT YOUR GOD. TAKE IT ONE DAY AT A TIME. JUST ONE DAY AT A TIME!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2008): Maybe it's time for a separation for a while to settle things down. He needs to be scared out of his mind that he's really lost you over this, and you might be able to use the time apart. (With the mutual understanding that there is to be no seeing other people or anything like that yet.)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): It hurts to discover your husband have been cheating on you, yes it makes us angry to, the STD, makes it even worse. You sure have a lot to deal with, and being pregnant does not make it any easier. I suggest, you make no serius decision for now; get treatment for the STD if possible whilst pregnant: stay with your husband, but refrain from having sex; explain to him that you need time and will remain with him on your terms at least untill your baby is born. You are suffering enough emotionally and this is not good for your unborn baby, try not to unsettle your life more untill your baby is born. During pregnancy our hormone levels are different, think about it clearly afterwards. It will hopefully also give you time to see if your husband stays the loving doting father to be, you will be able to monitor his attitude, behaviour carefully. Concentrate on your unborn baby for now! Best wishes for the birth, it is special.....
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A
female
reader, Naive +, writes (6 June 2008):
Naive is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your answers. This is the toughest descision that I ever had to make. Unfortunately I still dont know what to do. I guess it will take time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): He is scum and if I were you I'd drop him like the turd he is. Not only did he break his marriage vows and bang some random skank, but he didn't even bother to use protection! He's put your life - and your baby's - at risk! What if he'd brought home AIDS on his cheating dick and given that to you. His behaviour could've literally killed you! And it still could: once a cheater, always a cheater. And the fact that you had to find out from your doctor and not him tells me that he's not sorry he screwed around on you, he's only sorry that he got caught!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): I dare say you're not the first person this has happened to. Only you know how you feel about the whole thing and only you can decide if it's over or not.
Obviously the first priority is for both of you to get treatment and a cure, if there is one, to protect the health of both yourself and the baby.
Things will never be the same again though, that's for sure, and I guess your decision depends on whether he's really sorry, or just sorry he got caught out, and whether it really was just a one night stand. Men usually go back for a second and subsequent helpings, so I'd be a little doubtful on that score if I were you. I've been round the block a couple of times myself, and I can remember only one one night stand in all my life.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2008): well if it was me i would definetly finish with him fair enough your having a child but that doesn't mean that you have to stay with him.1st he had a one night stand while u 2 were together(let alone married)but he also contracted an STD from it(you said)"he is willing to make it work"he maby but what about you.You also say"he apologizes every second" apologizing is easy sweetheart.I think you really need to think about this on your own and think about what would be best for you and your baby.(besides you two married because you loved each other,when you love someone you don't cheat on them).with whatever you decide GOOD LUCK.
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A
female
reader, LIERIN +, writes (5 June 2008):
 I feel sorry for your situation.
I dont think that man that has cheated will ever change. But I could be wrong. I dont know more informations. Was he drunk? Was she a prostitute? Was she from his job? write more info, so we can help you
I would not trust him ever again, but thats me! You have to decide whats best for you!
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