A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am so heart broken. I have been seeing a plastic surgeon for over 12 years, a man that, from the moment I met I fell in love with. He is married and his children that are grown now. I have no children, however, I to am married. Our relationship was strictly professional up to 2 years ago. I had a procedure done, and as usually he emailed me to see how I was doing. This time he let me know his feelings for me. My follow up appt's became more frequent. He kissed me and told me he was crazy about me, always has been, the only question he had was why did it take 10 years to finally confess how we felt for each other.Things moved very fast. I do not live in the same City so travel time was involved in every app't. I told him that I had never in my 30+ years of marriage had an affair....he let me know this would not be his first. I should have know better....however I loved everything about this man. I knew an affair was wrong, but to be honest it felt so good to be in his arms, and everything that followed, that I had no regrets. He looked into my eyes and promised me that having an affair would not take him from my life as my doctor. I had made it clear that as strong as my feelings were for him, I did not want to do anything that would take him from life...he promised.He saw me 2 times...passionate kisses and MUCH more! After the first time, I still was not sure I wasn't just a one night stand...as bad as having an affair was, I did not want to be in that position either. He again promised that I was not a one night stand and begged to see me again. Second time, the passion was just crazy!And then the came the call. He said his wife had been sent our email messages, that he could not see me as a patient, or personally any longer, that was it. Period the end. He left that message on my voicemail.I have since learned that the other surgeons in his group have all had affairs with their patients. I feel so used. So hurt. I feel that he is afraid that the "ethics as a doctor in not seeing his patient" is what is scaring him. I do not believe that his wife knows anything. I just want to go back to being his patient. What is wrong with me that I would want that! I wish I had NEVER allowed this to happen. My heart is so broken to lose him as my trusted friend, and doctor. I don't have feelings for my husband. I am such a mess. This man has no idea what he has done to my life....and worse than that, he doesn't care. If you find yourself in this situation, don't act on it. He is not giving up anything to be with you (He told me he didn't want to lose his house)! I now believe what I am reading on this site. That it was his ego. I meant nothing....just another accomplishment. I am so sick that I can't forgive myself. There is no closer as he will not talk to me. I have no answer's for why he pulled me in. This is a hurt I will never get over. I find myself wanting to get in touch with his wife to see if he is being truthful with me. I won't do that as I find myself wanting to protect him. How do I get over this?
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affair, fell in love, one night stand, period Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): He was a pig. Forget about him
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2010): Sorry you are going through this. I am glad you wrote in. Another reader told me to read your post. I too am trying to make sense of a crush I am trying to get over with my plastic surgeon. I really did not feel any attraction initially but did like all the attention with all the follow up visits. I am not making any excuses but I think you are vulnerable when you see a doctor like a plastic surgeon because you already have a self-esteem issue (s) about a body part (s) you want to fix. I never physically acted on any of his flirting etc. I do admit to wanting to look my best every time I saw him and some mild banter back and forth. If it helps any, I have had to look inside myself and my marriage and work on that. Sure it is flattering but it should stop there. The only person that can make me feel good about myself is me. Sometimes, it is easy to forget that and get derailed.
Good luck with everything.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2010): My first response is that, your husband certainly deserve a better women in life. So please have courage to tell him that you find some other faithful wife.
Then what ever u want to do, please do.
surprised that you still want to be with him. Also what kind of women you are at the age of 60, you are so foolish. You never learned any thing in whole life..
So i really do not know waht to advise. just do any thing but do it with let whole world knowing it with pride.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2010): I totally feel for you. Been there....done that. I was persuaded into having an affair (although it takes two....but I knew I should not have). I finally decided that I wanted to. 3 weeks into one of the most passionate, sensual, most awesome times of my life, i am told that our feelings are getting to be too much and that we don't want to destroy our families. He goes back to his (happily) and I am left to feel used, guilty, a huge void and hole in my life and in my heart. Pouring out to God everyday to forgive me but even worse to take the desire out of my mind and in my heart to want to see him/be with him again. I don't think you were just a "conquest" but there is not alot of thinking that goes on with affairs. I definitely did not think this through before i lept and you probably didn't either. Your dr. could not think past the physical desires until he got scared. I feel your pain. The only thing I am currently doing is praying, trying to keep busy, willing myself not to text or email him, and trying to pour myself into my children. At least you don't have that guilt on top of you as well. It's going to be okay though. It will. Just cut yourself some slack. As I am reading on this site, I am realizing that even good people make really Huge mistakes. God forgives. Just ask. Then, you have to forgive yourself.
Hugs.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 It was an affair; what did you think would eventually happen? This man didn't do anything to you life that you didn't allow him to do. You walked into this knowing that he was married and that you were not his first affair; he didn't pull the wool over your eyes, you chose to be blind.
If you want to confront his wife about his cheating, make sure you give her your husband's phone number so she can return the favor. You're so focused on how you've been wronged that you've given little or no consideration to how unfair you have been to your own husband. If you want to move past this affair, come clean to your husband. Act like a grown woman and let him you cheated on him and that you don't have any feelings for him. Deal with the mess in your own backyard before you start stirring up trouble elsewhere. Instead of pining over this man who is not interested in you, it's time for you to redirect your emotional energies into repairing or ending your marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): I'm really sorry to say this, but he probably didn't tell you of any feelings for TEN YEARS because he was getting attention from other people during that time.
Jeez let's face it, I know some men are slow but Ten years?
He probably went in for the kill when he felt your defenses were down, or he sensed that you were vulnerable enough to go for it.
If he had had any feelings towards you during the last ten years, you would have been able to feel it in your instincts.
Sexual attraction and actual feelings do show in different ways and in body language.
I think you have been hooked in well and truly here!
There are thousnads of professional men like this out there who use their power and bedside manner on women to get what they want and need to keep their egos BIG.
He told you you were not the first so I should say there have been lots of women who have fallen for this with this man.
I think you should arrange to see a counsellor to try to come to terms with this as it has gone on for such a long time.
You will be hurting for a long time to come, and could do with some help.
I am not, like most women, going to advise working on your marriagae, as I know that you are not even considering that at the moment, and will not until you can let this infatuation go.
Make that appointment and get some help before you drop into despair.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (22 August 2010):
 Why are you still married to your husband if you have no feelings for him? You understand an affair is wrong, that's all it was to this doctor, and he stated it wasn't his first and most likely not his last. I'm sure that was a lie him telling you he couldn't see you as a patient anymore...he was just done with the affair and you were getting a little too attached for him. Isn't there some type of law or act against this? Don't get in touch with his wife, his cheating ways will eventually catch up with and the cat will eventually be let out of the bag. One, tell your husband what happened and since you have no feelings for him get a divorce, then work on making you happy and forgiving yourself for your affair. Its a sin but you can be forgiven..Lastly, I think you have learned your lesson.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2010): You tell yourself that you foolishly talked yourself into a trap and it was your own fault for going against your better judgment.
You tell yourself that your doctor is NOT a professional but an immoral selfish bastard. He used you and then unilaterally banished you with a lie. He cared not one iota for your needs. You were just a patient that supplied him with work and then came desert when you offered him your body.
You tell yourself that you think stupidly as you want to protect him from his wife finding out about him. You should be denouncing him to his College for his lack of professionalism and for exploiting the client-doctor relationship.
Stupid is as stupid does.
I hope I have provided you with some relief.
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