A
male
age
41-50,
*lcooljayce
writes:I have been with Jenn for 8 months, we were friends for a few months before that. I am a songwriter in Nashville, and she lives in North Carolina. Jenn has severe lupus, and is in pain a lot of time. She is only 26, and it kills me to know how badly she hurts. She also recently was diagnosed with breast cancer and was in treatment for that, then 3 weeks ago, she had rotator cuff surgery and has been in severe pain. She has been very moody, and never wants to talk anymore. Mind you, we talk on the phone, except for when she's up here visiting, which has been a long time. I have been there through all of this and comforted her the best I could. I love her more than anything in this world. When we talk anymore, its only for a few minutes a day, and she says she has to go because shes hurting or not feeling well. It hurts my feelings, even though thats wrong of me. I should respect it, but its hard because I want to be there for her. On Valentines day, I called her to say hello. She couldnt talk. I was wanting to tell her I was planning a trip down for her birthday in May. That was part of my present to her. So, I called back in the evening. She was in a lot of pain and said she was really tired. I made the remark "well, hopefully you will have time for me tomorrow"She got very upset, and broke up with me right then. She said I obviously couldnt handle this, and that I wasnt understanding. She said we shouldnt be together while shes sick anymore. She then became really cold and said se had to go. I tried talking to her about it, but she doesnt want to talk. I feel so bad that I said that, it wasnt that I was mad at her, I am just so sad that she is sick and we cant be like we used to be right now. But I guess I took it out on her.So here we are, 3 days later. She sent me a text to thank me for a card I had sent pre-break up. She just got it today. I told her she was welcome, and that I loved her. She responded "I do still love you" and I havent heard from her again.What do I do? I totally screwed up. What is she needing me to do? I feel so crushed that she has pushed me away, but I also know she is doing it because she doesnt want me going through all of this, and because she hates being mean to me, and sometimes she cant help it when shes in so much pain. Help me. This girl is my life, my everything. Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009): Thank you for your kind words, I apprecite it. :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2009): Hi You must be heart broken.I was pushed away when my partner was first diagnosed with cancer.... i questioned was it illness that took him temporarily away OR was he pushing me away...illness often divides love in some form EVEN THOUGH LOVE IS THERE..IT IS LIKE A THIRD PARTY INTERVEENING AND UNINVITED.You write songs? then write songs for her showing your love, say everything you feel for her....write from your soul like you've never wrote before....send these songs to her....bring beauty and love to her with every song you write. Jenn will know you are with her and supporting her your own special way.With illness we have physical changes to cope with aswell, my partner had to wear a colostomy bag for a time due to his cancer...he never wanted me to physically cuddle up in bed with him or touch him..our intamacy stopped for a year..we were very very tactile before...im not even talking about sexual ..no matter what i said this was his wish...and i had to respect it, while he was going through these emotions and physical changes. I too had to cope with feeling the loss of my partner getting futher away( and thats even while living together) so you must be feeling heart broken, but hang in there....God willing she will come back to you,mine did.I don't know about just turning up! you may still be rejected making it even harder on both. Writing her songs at this moment may be the closest you can get to her heart.I hope that love wins...and Jenn wins and you win. xvia con dios.
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A
male
reader, llcooljayce +, writes (18 February 2009):
llcooljayce is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks man, I appreciate your advice. I told her I would come stay with her, she doesnt want me to. Doesnt want to talk to me or be around me. I have no clue what to do. I have tried all I could think of. I have decided to just leave her alone now. Thats so hard, but thats what she wants. I dont want to upset her. I will keep u posted, and thanks again.
J
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A
male
reader, llcooljayce +, writes (18 February 2009):
llcooljayce is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks man, I appreciate your advice. I told her I would come stay with her, she doesnt want me to. Doesnt want to talk to me or be around me. I have no clue what to do. I have tried all I could think of. I have decided to just leave her alone now. Thats so hard, but thats what she wants. I dont want to upset her. I will keep u posted, and thanks again.
J
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A
male
reader, kinkydude  +, writes (18 February 2009):
That must really hard! I'm so sorry for your pain. I've had these conversations with the woman I love. If she ever had cancer she said she'd push me away, because she couldn't stand the thought of me seeing her in that state. But I love her so much that I wouldn't let myself be separated from her. I'd be there with her every second. she would never be alone.
Can you be with her, stay with her. Don't let her push you away.
Thats what I would do. I would be there right next to her.....
I'm sorry, and I pray for you, and wish you well.
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