A
male
age
,
*ellathedane
writes:I have been dating a lass of 35 for 12 months, i am 47.Sometimes she is all over me, she sends me loads of texts and we speak on the phone for 4 or 5 hours at a time, but other times i feel as welcome as a bad smell. she becomes very angry for no reason and will not talk for up to a week at a time. One day she tells me she loves me and wants to spend the rest of her life with me then at the drop of a hat she tells me i am moving things on too quick and that she has only ever wanted to be friends. She is also sending out very mixed messages. One day she will tell me she wants to do something and could i arrange it, which i would then after i had made the arrangements she would flip and tell me she wants nothing to do with it and that i am taking over. I am starting to think she has mental health issues. Should i keep trying to make this work or should i give up and move on. The hardest thing is i have never let a woman get under my skin but this one has, she is under my skin and in my head and it scares me. can anyone help?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2010): Thanks again jonas.
My gf was only 12 when she was raped by her father and brother.
My gf will talk about her past when she is in her happy mode.
I should point out she has 4 different sides to her,the happy side when she is almost child like in the way she acts,the sexual side when she wants sex all the time, she is very sluttish when she is like that,the paranoid side when she thinks everyone is out to get her and the violent side when she is very angry all the time.
All these 4 sides are if she is 4 different people but it is the last that is the most worring.
I have seen her rip a door off its hinges as well as stabbing a carving knife through a door. She has no concerns for anyones safety when she is like that but claims she does not know anything about it afterwards.
I can understand how hard it must be for her and that she needs to know someone is going to be there for her who she can trust but it is hard as i have to think of my safety as well.
What makes it even harder is that i lived with a violent woman for 16 years and suffered many injuries and now i have become involved with a woman who is just as bad, it may not be her fault but it is still me who has to find the strenght to cope.
I cant understand how i got myself into this mess again, must be unlucky i guess.
A
male
reader, Aellathedane +, writes (5 September 2010):
Aellathedane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJonas,Thanks for that. You have made a lot of sense.
I have spoken to her about seeing someone but she always claims she has nothing wrong with herself,she then trys to pass the problem on to other people claiming they have problems not her.
You are correct, it is very draining.
You discribe her very well. She did have a problem with picking up men and then dumping them, sometimes these were just one night stands but she told me she would spend hours in the shower after wards trying to wash the smell of the man away.
I did speak to her about what i had seen between her and her son but she claimed it never happened.
Sometimes she is deeply loving,this is the person i fell for but other times she is cold and convinced i am up to no good,she even tells me that behind my angel face lives the devil inside.I found that very disturbing but from what you have written it now makes a lot more sense.
I just dont know if i have the strengh to help.
Thank you once again for your reply.
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A
male
reader, Aellathedane +, writes (4 September 2010):
Aellathedane is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank for that LLindy87. Oh hell,you have discribed her to a tee. She has all the symptoms of multiple Personality disorder. She was raped by her father and her brother when she was a little girl. when her moods change she is a different person,i have even told her that. She has this side which is very sexual but at other times she hates anything to do with sex. She can spend all day cleaning the same room over and over again. I have cought her naked infront of her 12 year old son whilst she was playing with herself. I was puzzled why she has a length of rope on her wardrobe,then one night i woke to find her sat on top of me and was trying to wind the rope around my neck. she said she had had a dream i was going to rape her. I think i need to end this before i come to harm. I had thought she was mad but maybe i just wanted it work out.I know now that i must end this at once. thank you.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87  +, writes (4 September 2010):
 it does sound like she's a bit unstable. Perhaps Bipolar disorder, with her extreme mood swings.
However, if she genuinely doesn't remember asking you to arrange things maybe she has dissociative identity disorder? That's a new modern term for Multiple Personalty Disorder, which is more common than people think, it happens after severe trauma during their childhood, usually in repetitive sexual, verbal and physical abuse.
With that disorder there are triggers that make the person dissociate from themselves and 'someone else' takes over. Its just another mentality of themselves that is there to protect them from whatever the trauma was from their past. Lets say your girl was abused by a man with a long beard as a child and when she sees a man at the bank with a long beard similar to the guy she might make a mental switch and appear to have a different personality all together. This does not happen consciously, it happens sub consciously.
According to Web MD . com the symptoms of this disorder include:
1. Depression
2. Mood Swings
3. Suicidal Tendencies
4. Sleep Disorders
5. Anxiety, panic attacks and phobias
6. Alcohol and drug abuse
7. Compulsions and rituals
8. psychotic-like symptoms (including auditory and visual hallucinations)
9. eating disorders
Other symptoms of dissociative identity disorder may include headache, amnesia, time loss, trances, and "out of body experiences." Some people with dissociative disorders have a tendency toward self-persecution, self-sabotage, and even violence (both self-inflicted and outwardly directed). As an example, someone with dissociative identity disorder may find themselves doing things they wouldn't normally do such as speeding, reckless driving, or stealing money from their employer or friend, yet they feel they are being compelled to do it. Some describe this feeling as being a passenger in their body rather than the driver. In other words, they truly believe they have no choice.
(Webmd)
I hope this helps, remember that not all symptoms may be present.
Here is bipolar disorder: (these are the two disorders I can guess she might have)
Bipolar disorder (also known as manic depression) causes serious shifts in mood, energy, thinking, and behavior–from the highs of mania on one extreme, to the lows of depression on the other. More than just a fleeting good or bad mood, the cycles of bipolar disorder last for days, weeks, or months. And unlike ordinary mood swings, the mood changes of bipolar disorder are so intense that they interfere with your ability to function.
During a manic episode, a person might impulsively quit a job, charge up huge amounts on credit cards, or feel rested after sleeping two hours. During a depressive episode, the same person might be too tired to get out of bed and full of self-loathing and hopelessness over being unemployed and in debt.
Symptoms:
1. Feeling unusually “high” and optimistic OR extremely irritable
2. Unrealistic, grandiose beliefs about one’s abilities or powers
3. Sleeping very little, but feeling extremely energetic
4. Talking so rapidly that others can’t keep up
5. Racing thoughts; jumping quickly from one idea to the next
6. Highly distractible, unable to concentrate
7. Impaired judgment and impulsiveness
8. Acting recklessly without thinking about the consequences
9. Delusions and hallucinations (in severe cases)
My friend Lisa is bipolar and she takes medication for it. She lives a normal life and doesn't show these symptoms because of her treatment. When she is off them, she's unreasonable, she's either REALLY upbeat, happy and then suddenly she's extremely crabby, pissy, easily annoyed to the extreme or otherwise extremely sad and feels like she is worth nothing. EXTREME high and lows.
I hope these help.
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