A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My question is this. I've wondered about someone I work with and since I cant read minds dont really know what she thinks.If you are an attractive married woman, working in large open plan office, with many people working, and your job requires you to talk to various men all day, many of whom are also attractive and some single, do you find this difficult, or enjoyable? Do you enjoy the fact that they are men and not women and do you get a feeling of confidence/attractiveness knowing that they all find you attractive? I think in the case of the woman I work with, she seems to enjoy it immensely, and obviously Loves men. Even when not conversing with a guy in a meeting, or at his desk talking about work matters, she is usually having a friendly chat with some male. I am occasionally that person, but dont feel particularly special because of this due to the number of men she talks with. I do have feelings for her, I'll be honest and I know that i am not the only one. When she is at her desk trying to work, various guys are always trying to talk to her. If i got to talk to a fraction of the number of women that she does men in a day I would be extremly happy.I know she is a very friendly person, so is very approachable, but i am curious of what is going on in her head- no doubt she feels attraction to some of the men but this doesnt mean she will do anything about it, but is the temptation still there?I wonder how she gets any work done at all to be honest.Anything anyone has to say on the subject would be very interesing. Do any womwn out there wish you were in her situation?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFantastic advice- Thanks! The other thing that attracted me was the fact that she was always giving me the eye, but as has been pointed out, it is her being flirty and Im sure she does it to all the guys..
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 August 2011):
 It's easy to forget about her. Scout for someone else to shift your attention over to. Or imagine her husband each time you see her. Or imagine some lousy quality about her, say... you wouldn't feel comfortable being with her anyway because that would mean she's a cheater and also how many of the other men is she sleeping with? See, now that isn't so attractive, is it?She's just a lovely front figure, you don't really know her, you are only attracted to her looks and the friendliness. It is a shallow attraction, no offense it happens to everyone, but it is easy to shift a shallow attraction over to someone else. Just find someone new who looks cute, preferably someone not at the office. Maybe the girl on the subway, or the waitress at your favourite bar etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone, thanks for your answers, really appreciated all of them, and were all very helpful. It gives me a lot more understanding towards her position. If it was anyone else in the office i wouldnt have even given it a second thought, but because of the feelings I have developed for her ("you mean nothing to her.." ouch! ;)), she is very much the exceptionI need to keep my mind on my work as much as possible as I know, instead of thinking about her all the time, but thats another story-: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-you-put-someone-out-of-your.html It was easier when we worked on different floors, now shes in my face every day.... but Im working on this one..Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Women are different from men in this regard. Just because you would be distracted and tempted in that situation, doesn't mean she feels the same way. I worked in a predominantly male office and I loved it. I was the youngest female and I had male co-workers bringing me chocolates, sweets and I got away with way more crap than I could have ever imagined! It definitely beats being around bitchy women. Flirting is natural between sexes, so you shouldn't dissect it. I had a boyfriend and was never sexually interested in any of my co-workers. Even if I were single, the co-workers would have never interested me in that way.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 August 2011):
 Work is work and people are people. Boring Attractive men vs boring attractive women vs ugly but interesting people? it's just PEOPLE.
I"m like this woman you speak of however, I talk to everyone, I'm friendly I'm open and I enjoy people?
What goes through my head? not much in terms of anything other than this is work.. it's where i spend over 40 hours a week...these are my work friends... a bit different from my NOT at work friends but still my friends... folks I lunch with or talk to in the morning... how are your kids? how's the wife? how's the hubby? didja buy the new car??
stuff like that.
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 August 2011):
"If you are an attractive married woman, working in large open plan office, with many people working, and your job requires you to talk to various men all day, many of whom are also attractive and some single, do you find this difficult, or enjoyable?"
If Im married why would I care? It's a job, what I do for a living. If the people are nice, thats great, but it wouldn't make a difference in the world if they are old, women, children, men, black, white, whatever. It's a job, not a party, and Im married anyway so... doesn't matter!
I'd be pretty cocky and have an air head if I thought EVERYONE found me attractive too.
This woman in particular though, here's my guess at what goes on in her head: She's just friendly and likes a working place where she can have fun and friendly communication and some light hearted flirts to make her day bright, without it meaning anything. You and the rest of the men mean nothing to her, so do yourself a favour and stop letting her mean anything to you. Even if she's a friendly flirty person it doesn't mean she'll welcome admirers or suggestive behaviour from the men.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): I have always got along with men just as much, if not better than women. I have worked in places where a lot of the men have even propostitioned me, and I have been quite surprised by it.
I dont consider myself a flirt, indeed in my early years I could always chat the boots off anyone but actually when it came to matters of the heart, I was quite shy really.
I have an outgoing, optimistic personality, and can talk to anyone about anything. I think its just the personality which draws people to a person but unfortunately some men can take an outgoing personality as flirty.
You have to get to know someone quite well to be able to tell if its just their personality or not.
My friend tells me I am flirtacious, but not a flirt????
If you have feelings for this lady, you need to get to know her better, the fact that her personailty draws you her her is good, but you need to also have things in common.
Hope this helps....good luck!
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 I have worked in two work places where I was the only female. What was good about it, was the lack of bitching that goes on where it is predominately female. I was married, always managed to get my work done, and was never attracted to any co-works. There was one male who had a crush on me, but he got over it. So don't be so suspicious of the woman, for being friendly and approachable.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): When younger I had a male orientated job, I was in love and living with my fiancee at the time.I talked to men all day, didn't think anything of it. A female colleague pointed out to me that a lot of these men were besotted and would love a chance. I thought it was funny, I really was totally oblivious it hadn't entered my head.Nowadays its easy to spot and I may flirt a bit but wouldn't do anything more - works work.Flattering though.If your a naturally friendly person I don't think you think of consequences.However there are women who love to be centre of attention,hate to be ignored,boosting their ego by feeling wanted. But I think you can spot them a mile away
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