A
female
age
51-59,
*adness03
writes:I met a wonderful man online and we became friends on an online game. I know some people are going to judge and thats ok. We all make mistakes, I never in my life had any interest in a married man and he never cheated on his wife until he met me and I know this is the truth because he is one of those few people that cant lie. When we met online I was just getting over a 3 years relationship and was going through some rough times. We started talking as friends as we did we many other people on the game and it started from there. I know he always felt awful about having feelings for me and doing that to his wife who he said he loves still. They have 2 children which makes things even more difficult. He had opportunities to cheat and never did but he felt in love with me and me with him. He told me from the start he couldnt leave his family. I understood, he kids mean the world to him and he says he loves his wife. Im a good person and so is he, and for 2 years we stayed in this mostly online relationship. We met in person twice since we live across the country from each other. Im not a kid and I know good honest and kind men are not easy to find thats why Im still single. Unfortunately, he is not happy, his wife wont have sex with him for months ( 6 months) and eventhough he never says anything about his wife on normal conversations I pick up things here and there, she has no interest in his activities, doesnt show like she cares for him or loves him at all. The last I heard was he said he wasnt "unhappy". I know is bad at communicating and that for sure caused some of the problems they are having. He used to tell m he would ask her to have sex and she would say no. When we first started our relationship, I told him to talk to her and find out what was going on but he never told me if he did or not but I noticed things didnt change. His brother recently separated from his wife and everyone took it very hard. It affected him very much and I noticed he changed with me, but he woldnt tell me why. I got it out of him, that his brothers situation messed up with his head, he said it made him think and noticed that his wife wasnt as bad as his brothers and he felt bad I guess for talking to me and having a relationship with me. He said he couldnt be as close to me as he used to, that he felt like a bad person but wanted to stay friends eventhough he still loved me. I can understand in a way, but the way he handled things hurt me so much. I wish he had been honest. I was very angry with him for not telling me what he was feeling, I wanted to understand so I could move on but he never has really explain things to me. He wants to stay friends but I refused, I told him I needed no contact in order to get over him. I can tell he doesnt want this and it was so hard I contacted him a few times, but recently I decided it was too hard for me to pretend I had no feelings for him and be a friend. He is a very emotianal person and very sensitive so I tried to help and stay but I cant do it. Its selfish of him to want to stay in touch eventhough it hurts me. Recently his cousin commited suicided and I contactedhim to give him my support and we started talking as friends for a few days but then I stopped contact with him since he no longer needs me. It is so hard to move on, I think he loves me and must be hard for him not to hear from me but if he decided to end things with me I need to get over him and move on with my life. I want him to be happy he deserves it, he is a kind and good man. But I dont think he would be, I dont see things getting better in his marriage, and it makes me sad for him and makes me angry because his wife has a wonderful man and she doesnt appreciate him or treats him like she should. It seems to me neither is trying to save the marriage, they never go out the 2 of them together or communicate about whats going on. They have been married 10 or 11 years and have two kids ages 11 and 7. I tried to give him advice to save his marriage but since he is so bad at communicating he never told me if he tried to talk to her. My heart is broken, very deep inside I had a tiny hope that maybe one day we could be together but it was just a dream. He was my best friend and my love. I lost both. I cry everyday and eventhough Im not talking to him, it has been a few days, but we broke up 2 months ago, I cant get over it. Im hurt and deeply sad. I was happy to even have a relationship with him online without seen him morethan once or twice a year. I though he loved me and that seem to give me the strenght to keep going. But Im confused and hurt and dont know anymore. I doubt everything, please can someone offer some advice. I cry myself to sleep everyday. I loved him with all of my heart and tried and help him and did on occasions,with his life and problems. I wants interested in money or anything other than his heart. I made a mistake falling for a married man, but Im still paying for it everyday. I have cried so much in these 2 years than in all of my life. Please help me :'(
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best friend, broke up, cousin, married man, met online, money, move on, online game Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (10 December 2011):
 http://www.dearcupid.org/question/in-love-w-a-married-man-how-do-i-cope-w-break-up.html
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): This Married man is just as corrupt as his wife. BOTH are accountable for the breakdown of their marriage. 5 years cheating vs 2 years cheating? One does not look at the lesser degree of the lies and turmoil it has created.
OP let this MM be. Let him and his equally deceitful wife sort out the mess.
You move on. Heal and make peace . And learn to love again
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Sadness03 +, writes (10 December 2011):
Sadness03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts been almost 7 months and I havn't talked to him, he separated from his wife because apparently she had being cheating on him for years,thats why she wouldnt even sleep with him, she did this for 5 years while he was faithful and trusted her. After she confessed to him she didnt want to be with him anymore because she didnt love him, he confessed he cheated on her with me for the last 2 years, she wasnt upset because she had been cheating for 5 years. He had to move out, and has to pay the morgage and all her bills because she doesnt work and she is using the kids to do this. Well, I think a wife like that doesnt deserve much respect and consideration. Im not going back to him because I have pride and Im not going to be his second choice but its sad that the love I felt for this man and what we had was wasted over someone that didnt deserve anything. He hasnt contacted me, he feels horrible about the whole thing and is taking it very hard he misses the kids terriby. He also knows he hurt me really bad when he decided to break up with me and thinks that after all these months i have moved on. Mutual friends gave me this information, I hurt still and miss him, but Im moving on, I suffered way too much and not going back to that. We felt horrible and like bad people for what we were doing and she was doing it even worse. We could have been happy someday but that wont happen, but I would always love him I know that and I know he would always love me too. But some things cant be fixed, too much damaged was done. Thanks
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2011): OP u have received excellent advice from the Aunts hoever u are in a state of denail and sadly the excellent advice was actually wasted.Whether your married man cheated for the 1st time or the 10th doesnt matter.the fact that he is a cheat is what is important.And believe me: he doesnt only stay for his kids. My brother has been f*cking around with his w*ore for the last 10 odd years. He told me that he will never leave his wife for her. Ever! He had an opportunity to leave but he chose to stay. The mistress was subtely pressurising him . So he lied and spun her a story about his kids. You see OP , married men also lie to the mistresses and not only to their wives. They have the best of both worlds. Their entire lives are a lie. It is the poor wife and the naive mistress who believes that they are no. 1 in the MM lif. This is hofwash. No1 is only himself and he pulls the strings like a puppeteer. My brother is no exception.Your married man had a life changing experience and he then realise what he almost lost: his wife and his meant the world to him and he got sidetracked by a 3rd party: meaning u. BUT he realised just in time how valuable his marriage was and he got a wake up call. Whether u still want to be in denial or not , but that is what happened.You are not the 1st woman to be sucked into the Married man syndrome and sadly u wont be the last.Plse realise: this MM stays because he WANTS to and not bec he is forced.LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, Sadness03 +, writes (20 August 2011):
Sadness03 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all who took the time to give me advice, I really appreciated from the bottom of my heart. Im naive and inexperieced with man but I know he didnt lie about never cheating on his wife I felt it in my heart when I met him, he was nervous and clumpsy with women. I guess he reliazed he made a mistake. I know he felt terrible doing that to his family but he was in love with me and also felt bad for me. So I guess he was in a really bad situation. I think the main thing stopping him was how much he loves his kids and how close he is to them. I wish that he can be happy with his wife but I dont think thats going to happen and that makes me sad he deserves to be happy. I believe in bein faithful 100% and believe couples should talk about it when they have problems so they can fix them before it egts worse. But I dont believe people that are unhappy should stay in a marriage just for the children.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): I know there are many people
out there looking for friendship or
their soul mate. But hard to get the
right person to get along with. It only
takes a matter of time to find the true
one out there. I did like to take this
short opportunity to tell you a bit
about my self. I love to meet people
from all over the world. I like people
who are intelligent, kind, who have
something to talk about. I'd like to
meet someone who cares about other
people and respect on human
feelings.
I know (True Friends) are hard to
come by now days; but good friends
are treasures along with hopes and
dreams. I dream of one day traveling
to meet a friend. Age, sex, distance,
colure nor religion does not matter in
a good relationship rather what
matters is the honest, respect and the
true love that exist between two
friends..pls riply me.www.face book.com/rgrchathuranga
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A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 You are far better of without him.leave him alone with his wife and kids.hope you find hapiness some where.goodluck
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (13 August 2011):
 He was a liar all the way. This wasn't a real relationship and you probably grieve the loss of something that wasn't real, just fantasized. Because you were getting over a tough 3 year break up, this man came along and pushed all the right buttons. As a defence mechanism, you may have fallen for him because he was unavailable and that meant you wouldn't get "hurt" again like the last time. You need to grieve, be sad but continue moving on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Sorry but you have been duped. The oldest trick in the book and you have fallen for it.
He chose you because he could sense you are a lovely sweet person who is unfortunately naive and easy to lie to. He is NOT a lovely man.
I fell for the ' wife doesn't want sex blah blah' when I was 21. I now realise I was a gullible fool. I met his wife through friends 5 years later at a school function. I was blown away by how attractive, warm and lovely she was. It was all lies and I hear he is now sleeping with student teacher and telling her how unhappy he is at home. Do you see the pattern?
You are probably not the first and you probably won't be the last.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): He realized he made a mistake.
He's married, with children, and he wants to keep his life.
Let him go.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): He's not good and honest - he must have lied to his wife in order to travel to meet with you and who knows how many othersHis wife is probably a really lovely woman doing a great job bringing up their kids, maybe working too - its up to him to decide where he wants to be - his life and his wife.You really do have to get a grip, you've wasted far too much time on this man already. Seek out a counseller if need be - go to the doctor if you need to - you have to start moving on and putting this behind you.Your not a teenager your a mature woman,go get out into the world and find happiness with somebody who is free.
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