| A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi. My girlfriend and I have a great relationship in almost every way. We have been together since we were 17, and we have never broken up. I love her more than anything, she is the most beautiful person inside and out. But there is one problem we have with trust. She doesn't believe me when I tell her things, like she asks me questions and doesn't believe the answers. I have never given her a reason to doubt me, I have always been honest and faithful to her in every way.For instance a few days ago she asked me when the last time I watched porn was, I told her when I was 14 years old, which is true, but she flipped out and told me to stop lying to her. She ended up crying and begging me to tell her the truth, but I felt totally backed into a corner because I was telling her the truth. I couldn't stand seeing her cry, but I couldn't convince her that I don't watch porn, I don't know why she finds it so hard to believe to be honest? This is just one of many recurring fights we've been having for the last whileI think maybe because I started a new job, since I did that her insecurities have been growing. I have a lot of female coworkers now, whereas in my old job it was mostly guys. I'm not interested in any of my coworkers at all, but she is always a bit edgy when I mention work because she thinks I'm flirting behind her back or cheating on her with these girls. Which I'm not.I've tried to butter her up to boost her confidence, buy her flowers, concert tickets as a surprise, I even wrote her a love note and left it on the hood of her car so she'd find it when she left the house, and I'm not exactly a good writer! I make sure to tell her how much I love her every day, whether by email, phone, text message or in person. I am bending over backwards to make her see how much I care about her and how I would never betray her or lie to her but she thinks I'm trying to cover something up and thats why I'm "acting so sweet". It seems like every time I do something she gets more suspicious, do I stop trying? How do I convince her that I don't want or need any other woman in my life? Why is she so insecure?
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (7 September 2008):
 If I were you, I'd sit her down and tell her everything that you have just told us. She's not going to know how upset the accusations make you if you don't talk to her.
Always start your snetences with " I feel that" or " I think that" because if you start your sentences with " you have been..." or "You keep doing this..." She's going to feel accused and stop listening. If you use " I feel that..." then she can't blame you for feeling this way.
Just tell her that you have always loved her and that you've been together for such a long time that you don't understand why she can't trust you. Tell her you'd never ever hurt her and that no other women even come close to how much she means to you.
Explain to her that you feel accused a lot of the time when you haven't done anything wrong and that she needs to remind herself of the fact that you'd never betray her trust but that she's making you feel unhappy because of her accusations and distrust.
You could tell her that you do all these sweet things to make her feel special and so that she knows that she's the only one that you want but it sometimes all seems in vain because she doesn't seem to trust you.
You seem like an incredibly sweet and genuine guy so I hope she realises this once you've spoken to her.
Good luck and take care :) x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): All i can say is that girls need to be constantly reassured. If she still doesn't trust you then she has confidence and insecurity issues that you might not know about. Plus, the fact that you are working with many girls doesn't help her confidence. You just need to show her that there is nothing going on. Depending on your job, maybe you could invite her to visit you at work and introduce her to some of your co-workers. She might feel better if she knows and sees who you are working with. If you truly care about each other, it will work out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008): As you said before, she is probably insecure because of your new job as there are quite a few female workers there, but that shouldn't change anything in your relationship. If you and her have been together since you were 17 then she should know that you love her and wouldn't lie to her about anything, and it's her fault if she chooses not to trust and believe you. And you are in no way trying to cover things up! You are just expressing your feelings for this girl that you love and she's just taking it for granted. You should tell her how much you love her and that she's been with you since you were 17 and knows that you wouldn't lie to her or do anything to hurt her. Hope this has helped.
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