A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I will be officially separating on June 23rd, 2009. That is the date set for me to move out into an apartment.I have been a terrible husband and I admit that and realize that but I still very much love my wife and this experience, plus a small heart ailment, which landed me in the hospital for lots of tests at the age of 42, has really opened my eyes and feelings to how awful I had been and to what a precious woman I had (and technically still have) in my wife.)About 2 months ago she met a man through craigslist personals. He had not yet filed for divorced but was separated while at the time my wife and I were still technically living together and I THOUGHT trying to work out some problems.By accident, leaving her email open, I found out that she had been chatting intimately with this man for about a month AND the night before I found the emails she and he had met up for lunch and went to a local park and were kissing each other there.Anyway, this relationship has literally taken off very quickly and of course very painful for me because I would love to reconcile in some way.So, he filed for divorce, which had already been planned before my wife and he had met. The divorce was final in 11 days. That was last Wednesday, June 17th (?)This was this man's second divorce. My wife has only been married to me. We have two precious boys together but she tells me that Ijust havent been the spouse that she needed and this guy makes her feel so good and treats her so nice, blah blah blahAND SHE SAYS THAT SHE LOVES HIM AND SHE IS SLEEPING WITH HIM! All this withinn 2 months from an ad in craigslist!OK, here is my question. Does anyone know statistically how long these types of relationships typically last. It seems that they are full swing with each other however my wife seems to be in no big hurry to divorce at the moment.What is the general life of these pre-divorce, immediately after divorce, pre separation relationships?No doubt some of them end up in marriage but I know that most of them must come on quickly because of the two partners missed needs, and then as reality sets in, they must usually fizzle, Or? Do I have it all wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2009): you say you have been a terrible hb, what have you done?
have you only realised how precious your wife is after your health scare?
regarding the stats - it is claimed that only a handful of couples are still together after 2 yrs of being a couple/married (when either/both are married when the affair started) . so the odds are against this union, but plse do not hold your breath for this relationship to fail. it is so sad that we only realise what our partners mean to us when it is too late.
A
male
reader, MMMaM +, writes (20 June 2009):
Just move on. No need to dwell on it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): It really depends on who the other guy is. The other guy may be much better than you and even if she is hurt over you, he will help her get over it. I would not recommend just waiting around. You should improve yourself, move on, and if need be, find someone else.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2009): what did you do that was so bad?
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A
male
reader, aerial +, writes (20 June 2009):
Dear anonymous, here are my thoughts: First off your wife has not given herself anytime to heal after ending a relationship (should give it a couple of years or so). As well as her newly found love. Which is exactly it, newly found. All relationships are fun at first because you meet someone's personality and not their true character. Simply stated, this is a relationship that will not last. As the question I just posted I wonder, why do women NOT want to try and work things out. After all, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that your relationship will not be bliss forever. That is what relationships are about, trial and error and through that only deeper love will come of it. However, both must be willing to work at it. You can go from intimacy to conflict to withdrawal and back to intimacy if you both work at it. If you just end a relationship and date immediately. Typically, one will end up marrying the one they just divorced because they have not thought through the issues on both sides. I hope this helps.
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