A
male
age
41-50,
*yan/Katie
writes:we are expecting our second child. My wifes been smoking for 6 years now and she won't give up i keep telling her dont you realise your harming the baby. she says im going to quit but the moment my backs turned or if i go to work and come home the house smells of smoke. worse thing is she says i smoke myself but then i aint the one having the baby am i. so i dont know if im in the wrong for smoking aswell.i know this is a stupid question but what should i do... maybe someone else could suggest who could help us :(im really excited about being a dad again. im just worried and i dont want anything to go wrong :(.Thanks for reading Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Ryan/Katie +, writes (22 February 2008):
Ryan/Katie is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the replys and i definatly agree and understand with what your saying. i planned on giving up smoking a long time ago. when my daughter was born i gave up for about 2 months and made the biggest mistake in my life by starting again.
and the answer to hlskitten question no she hasn't spoke to anyone about the smoking issue.
ive had a large number of arguements with her over this. i feel like im letting her down slowly.
Thanks for the replys a great help.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (22 February 2008):
 HiI agree with Dr Pete, you should BOTH be stopping smoking.Plenty of mothers smoked and had healthy babies, but its a well known fact the risks are increased with smoking, of prem babies, small babies, more risk of cot death, all sorts of long term problems, let alone a more tiring labour. Dont forget thats tough work, a smoker will struggle with that i can tell you. Its exausting! But she cant use patches i dont think, or any nicotine replacements whilst pregnant, so its going to be double hard. Its a shame she hadnt tackled that before getting pregnant.Has she spoken to her midwife about it?C xxxxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Dr Pete said it right, but I'm going tell it more bluntly.Women are stubborn jackasses no matter what they say or do! Somewhere in the back of their mind is this: "If the man doesn't break first, I'm never gunna break!" I know this because I am one.Sadly, you both have to stop smoking NOW! No, that's a good thing. I don't want to sound so harsh, but all 3 of you will die if you don't stop. Tell her that, then steal every cigeratte she has and dispose of them properly and make sure she can't buy anymore of them! As for yourself, she made a point, you have to stop, cold turky. Because if you don't she'll go out and get more.You just need to beat it into her head that it's horrible for the baby and her health (your's too). I smoked once before, I didn't like it too much, but my mom smoked when she was younger but stopped. My dad hates smoking, so when he found out, he showed me something so horrible that I would kill any of my friends if they even tried to smoke! Not to mention members of my family who smoke all have lung cancer now.As harsh as I may seem, smoking is purely disgusting to me. I almost died from second-hand before, because I have weak lungs and my aunt used to smoke (she's dead now).So, they way I see it now is that you have a few options:One is that you can smoke now and take a huge risk of loosing the kid or having some sort of problem with it (I have many because of my mom, and she stopped as soon as she found out about me, then started again) and then risking second-hand smoke problems with your kid as they get older. Or you could continue now and stop when the baby is born. But problems will still happen.Two is that, you stop now and forever and your kid just may come out OK. And people will stop thinking you smell funny. I know, that was harshly blunt. But you guys are going to have a baby. That's reason enough to stop smoking. Oh one more thing, if you wanna still smoke, don't get caught. Like do it at work on your lunch time or something. SHe won't know and she'll stop. But you both have to stop when the baby is born, but you have time to ease off of them, she doesn't.That's what I have to say, I'm mean, I know, and I'm sorry. But we can't all be nice and get the point across, can we? I hope you guys just stop smoking, it's nasty, and you're gunna die from it. I've seen it many times, and a baby should not go without parents or only have one parent. Again, sorry to be so mean, but I just can't stand it.I wish you as much luck as anyone I love. Bringing a life into the world is a hard task even for two, don't make it harder than it already is~~Tayune
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2008): Your wife has a point!
Why should she have to give up smoking when you can't even lead by example?
The best thing you can do for yourself, your wife, and your future child is to be a leader, stop smoking yourself and show your wife it can be done.
Maybe you could give up together? Your wife needs support, encouragement and feel unity with you, not criticism.
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