A
male
age
41-50,
*hil1
writes:A good friend of mine separated from her husband two months ago. They have been married two years, and together for about three years before that. There was nobody else involved in the breakup, it just didn't work out. It was essentially my friend's choice. I have been friends with this girl for a few years and have always been attracted to her but have always known that she was unavailable. Now, I am not sure, if I should say/do anything about my feelings, and if so, when and how? Thanks. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 October 2012):
 If she says she is ready to date - call her up and ask her out.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 October 2012):
 And honestly, I wouldn't be so gentle about it. She's not a china cup...she's a woman. Just call her and ask her out. And you could even say...I'm calling to ask you out on a date...would you like to go to dinner with me?! You'll have an answer one way or another.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (8 October 2012):
I think if the frequency of you asking her to do things increases, she will get the idea. We woman aren't that dumb about these things. The fact she discussed it with you says a lot. I wouldn't just discuss that type of information with any friend.
If she is *dumb* about it, she isn't that romantically interested in you.
If she does agree to go out with you, you do all the gentlemanly things you need to do to get her to notice that you consider her to be more than a friend. I don't know why everyone thinks it's so difficult to go from friendship to romantic involvement. If she likes you in that way, she is probably hoping you ask her out. Good grief...she said she was lonely!!! Seems like that is a big clue for you!
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A
male
reader, phil1 +, writes (8 October 2012):
phil1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for all the replies. We had a long chat today. She is very definite that it is all over with her husband, as I said earlier, she'd known for some time that it was all over. However, she was saying today that she doesn't enjoy being single and that she did not envisage being single at 30 etc. I don't think she will be single for long. I guess the question is how do I let her know (gently) that I would be interested in being more than just a friend? If I just suggest doing things together, I don't think she will get the message, because we already do. But equally, if I come on too strong I risk upsetting her which I don't want to do?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 October 2012):
I think two months is WAY too soon, even if she mentally separated herself from the marriage/relationship a long time ago.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): But if he doesn't make a move she'll end up dating another guy if she is ready or not.
Then he'll have missed the boat and will have to wait until this rebound plays out.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Two months is too soon. And she might not appreciate your friendship and support if she suspects you have an agenda.
As you're already aware she will need some time on her own. Even if she was dancing the jig the moment they parted ways, she still needs to reclaim that part of herself she buried for the sake of the relationship.
My advice is wait until the divorce is final. Even if she wants a relationship with you, it's better to let the dust settle and the ink dry on the old before ushering in the new.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 October 2012):
If you are friends...I would just ask her to do things with you. It can't hurt and all she can say is "no". Or, if you know she is particularly interested in something...sports, art, concerts, etc...you could always ask her to go to one of these events.
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A
male
reader, phil1 +, writes (7 October 2012):
phil1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for both your messages. She is separated, not yet divorced, but there are no children involved and to be honest, she had decided to split some time ago. It was her decision, fairly amicable and I don't think she is regretting it, but understandably she is still adjusting to being on her own. We have been friends for some time, so know each other well, and I guess I just don't want to miss any opportunity that may or may not be there. Having said that, I obviously don't want to do anything that may make her feel uncomfortable at a tough time.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 October 2012):
Is this woman divorced? Was the separation amicable?
At this point in time, I would ask her out to coffee or possibly grab lunch somewhere on the weekend. Make it very low-key and non-intimidating. If she agrees, you can both go and enjoy one another's company. If anything developes from that, then go slow and see where it leads.
I do respectfully disagree with jannipeg. Even though I agree that this woman needs time, it is unclear how much time she needs. Everyone is different. If you ask her out and she says "no"...you will know she is either not interested or needs more time. That is why I am suggesting you don't ask her on a "date", but ask her to do something that does not have strings attached. She can feel free to say yes or no, but then she will know you cared enough to ask her to do something.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (7 October 2012):
 There is no way a separated woman for two months is available for another relationship. She is not even at that stage to determine whether you are two are suitable. She needs time to get used to life without her husband. Before that she needs time to see if separation would make her miss her husband. When tough times hit people say the worst things but when they have time to cool down they might realize their problems aren't so bad. Divorce is the only guarantee that she is definite with her decision.
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