A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there,I've been seeing a girl for just over a month. Up until now, I've really enjoyed our relationship, but for the past week or so, all it has brought me is disappointment and fear.This girl I'm seeing is on my course at university. When we started dating, she had just ended a one-year relationship. Effectively, she ended that relationship (granted, it was on the brink of ending anyway) to be with me. But very recently there was an incident (which I previously asked a question on this site about). She and her ex boyfriend had booked tickets to go to a concert together back where she used to live. They attended it together that was fine, I had no problem with that. Then she told me that out of convenience she stayed at his house, where they shared a bed.She told me about something that happened that night. She was getting changed in private, then when she was half-way through, he turned the light off and started walking towards her. She yelled "Turn the light back on!" and quickly got ready for bed before he came back. Given that it's so early in our... whatever it is (seems a bit early to call it a relationship), I didn't know how much of a big deal I should have made out of that... Unfortunately, more bad has followed. Earlier this week she told me that she is starting an acoustic project with her ex, as they are both musicians. It then hit me that that sort of implies that they are going to be seeing eachother more often, and almost certainly writing songs together. My worry is... Well, I don't even really know what my worry is, all I know is that I am a little worried.It gets worse. She went to another concert with him tonight, and due to the fact that she has very little money at the moment, she will be staying at his house until Friday. I really want to trust her, but she really doesn't seem to be making it easy. I do trust her, but unfortunately she's hanging around with somebody I can't possibly trust.Am I the one with the problem here?? Am I worrying too much, or do I have the right to feel cheesed off? What should I do??
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey, just wanted to say thanks again for the advice. Me and her have ended our relationship, we just weren't compatible.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you both for the advice.
I met up with her today, and we had a pretty nice time. I worry that this incident has changed me a little. Instead of being cool, calm and collected about the relationship, I feel really on edge, lacking confidence in the relationship, and just generally worrying about it.
I guess I have the right to have lost confidence in it, but do you think that I will gradually regain that confidence. It worries me that I maybe don't seem like the guy she started dating such a short time ago, and I don't like the idea of being some kind of wimp.
How can I regain my confidence?
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A
male
reader, topdogg83 +, writes (3 December 2008):
i will suggest you bail before you get to deep dude. you don't need this. cause it seems you are number 2 to her so make her number 2 as well find another BFF who wants to spend time and do stuff with you!!!! GET OUT NOW!!!!
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