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male
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*ollydog
writes: im 24 and much younger than the woman who i have been having descreet encounters with. the lady is a friend of me and my family. after 10 weeks of nothing happening between ourselves by my choice, she has today told me that she is pregnant and going to have my child.please help! i dont know what to do.i dont want a child at this point in my life and especially not with the lady involved. we both agreed from the start that it would be nothing but a bit descreet fun between ourselves. i insisted on using precausions and protection and she agreed. but shes still fallen pregnant. i only want a child with someone that i love and that loves me and not at this young age. please, please help me. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): Oh my, dear...you are facing very serious, very important life issues. It's time for you both to talk. You have made a baby with a woman you do not love. She has made a baby with a man who doesn’t want to be a father. You both need to make some clearcut, good plans for this baby, together. I am assuming you are indeed the father and she is planning to carry this pregnancy through to term? If so then-as far as I'm concerned, this child needs and deserves to be loved and cherished by two parents.
So I am going to suggest, you talk to her about the possibility of adoption. Doing this ensures that your child will have two parents who will care for it and it also ensures your child has a happy home and good future. There are plenty of childless couples looking to adopt and want to offer a good home.
If she plans on keeping this baby, then I suggest you have a good job in place because you will be paying her child support until this child reaches the age of adulthood. You need to tell her that you will be responsible but you want access and visitation rights to see your child. You will be expected to help her raise the child. This baby needs a Father in it's life.
And realize, try to be at the best...good friends with your baby's Mother. There is no bigger gift you can give to your child at this time, than ensuring you have a decent, respectful secure relationship with its mother. Be prepared to be exposed to the Mother a lot through out this pregnancy. The Mother will need support. A pregnancy is not any easy time for some women. Even though there may be time when you both will not like each other very much, you will have to remember your heartfelt responsibility to your baby. Good luck and I wish you the best
A
female
reader, Fernikle +, writes (6 November 2006):
 Oh my blossom. You have to really start asking some questions here. If you were using protection -how likely is this pregnancy likely to have happend? Because you do not state the form used, does this mean that you left the responsibility to the lady in question? Sorry to say it kidda, but if so you've left yourself wide-open to becoming a Daddy. You have said that this lady is a family friend, but do not state if she is married or has any other children. If you have both played with this kind of fire, you both know the potential concequences of your actions. Having said this, the facts you have wrote are sketchy and not fully adding up. I think you need to ask some more questions in this situation.....How "far gone" is she? When could the contraceptive method have failed? Does she know your full feelings about this? Does she want you to even be involved in the childs upbringing?
I admire your notions on love, and realise the fear you must be feeling, that is only natural. However, 24 is not an indecent age to become a father.
You must also think about who this news could affect other than yourselves (e.g: parents?)
Whichever way things fall for you, I sincerely hope that you continue to talk to this lady in your life. Fate sometimes lends a strange hand in life, and we just have to accept this is our fate that in this case has been lent a helping hand.
Good luck and God bless
Mwah X
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