A
male
age
41-50,
*2Silverado
writes:My wife of six years says shes not attracted to me anymore but love me and doesn't want a divorce. We are going to counciling to figure out whats wrong in our relationship. Nor does she have a libdo. I don't know what to do.
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male
reader, 02Silverado +, writes (17 September 2009):
02Silverado is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know it's not an attention issue, shes nevery been lovey dovey like that. I talked to her today on the phone( I'm away right now) and she reasured me that I am still attractive, it's her that just has no desire to have sex with me or anyone. As far as attractive issue theres no problem there, at work my nick name is Hugh (Jackman) and I work out twice a day during working hours so I'm not taking away time from her. I just can't get over thinking it's me but she says it's mostly her. To quote Softtouch "If she loves you and wants to stay with you, then the two of you need to work together on this. Which means you're going to have to try and be there for her as much as possible and pay more attention to her needs, whatever she says they are." Thanks cause thats what I was thinking and I think thats all I can do right now.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (17 September 2009):
 A lot of things can affect a woman's and a man's libido in a marriage.
But at least psychologically where the sex part really is, there may be a number of things you're no longer doing for her that you did for her when she was attracted to you.
Part of it involves attraction which includes a great deal of trust, emotional connections and intimacy such as just touching and cuddling and things along those lines.
But if you're expecting her to just go 5 minutes, then that's going to turn her off.
She needs a lot of attention to get sexually aroused and if you're not giving that to her, she's not going to want you that way.
Counseling is a good start but a great deal of communications need to be opened up again to find out what's bugging her.
The other side of this is that sex drive can change over time due to stress, weight loss or gain, diet, lack of exercise, hormonal imbalances, unusual psychiatric conditions like depression and so forth.
So it may involve a lot more than just physical attraction.
If she loves you and wants to stay with you, then the two of you need to work together on this. Which means you're going to have to try and be there for her as much as possible and pay more attention to her needs, whatever she says they are.
Its going to be a little rocky figuring this out so take your time. Its probably worth it and she'll appreciate the fact that you still want her and are still trying to be good to her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2009): I'm not really sure what you're asking, but you are lucky to have a wife who is willing to work things out. The personality and deep love should be more important than the fact that she is no longer attracted to you. A lot of women and men woudl just committ adultry or give up and end the marraige.
Just work it out with her and do what you can to survive your marraige. And maybe you can even fix the thing that's detracting her? Did you gain weight? Because i'm sure you could lose it if it's important enough to you.
~sy.
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