A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:A friend of mine introduced me to a French exchange student who's working at her lab this summer. Recently my friend as well as a number of coworkers have left on vacation. Realizing that she was pretty much alone and that not all that many other people speak French, I accepted the French exchange student's invitation to go kayaking some time as it's one interests. On another occasion we went to watch Harry Potter in French and when I brought her back home there was "that silence in the car." She's taken quite a liking to me and I can't say I feel the same way.Last night, my buddy was hosting two guys from Monocco for the night and so I thought it would be a good idea to round up the francophones for the night. Again, I got silence and expecting eyes at the end of the night. I don't know what to do. I feel like I've dug myself into a hole. If I have, it certainly wasn't my intention to lead her on. I was simply trying to be nice which has now come back to nip me in the butt.Having spoken with the student, an acquaintance of mine told me that she likes me but doesn't think I know and doesn't know what to do. I know and equally don't know what to do. The fact that I don't want to hurt her goes without saying. Any suggestions? My acquantance, in a gesture of deep empathy and understanding of the fact that I'm not interested, told me "JUST GO OUT WITH HER!" I didn't discuss it any further.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (18 July 2007):
 Well, I hope everything works out just fine, for you and her.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your kind input. I truly appreciate the thought and consideration you have given to my situation.
I agree that it would be best if I continued to act as a friend. I understand the anonymous female writer’s message as a reassurance that “there is only so much you can do and that sometimes there are things beyond your locus of control” and not necessarily that “the girl is bad simply because she fancies me”. This is not the first time that a girl has mistaken my gestures of friendliness for gestures of love but I don’t believe changing the person I am is worth the cost of such occasional misunderstanding.
Thank you once again for your responses. She has written to invite me to an art gallery and I have replied that I am interested in seeing the exposition and that perhaps some friends would like to join us.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (16 July 2007):
I have to disagree a bit with the second poster about the "wishful thinking". Sometimes people can honestly mistake a friendly gesture for a gesture of love. She is not a bad girl because she fancies you, is she? If your answer is yes, then you have to agree that every other girl who has fancied you is also bad. Maybe you happen to be a very kind person and she fell in love with this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2007): if she tries it on then ok you have to tell her you aren't interested of course. but just be friendly like you have been i find that people who think they've been "led on" are usually the victims of wishful thinking and thats not your fault. she'll be gone in a few months anyway
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (15 July 2007):
I think you should simply behave as a friend. You know, it's only normal that she likes you. Maybe you should be flattered. If she eventually talks about her feelings, or gives you a strong hint about them, you will be able to deal with this in a straightforward manner. If you just go away, she'll realize why and you'll break her heart.
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