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male
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anonymous
writes: Dear cupid, My ex of 1.5 years and I recently broke up (6 months ago). She said she needed time to herself, and I agreed, I thought I needed that too. After about a week, I realized that I missed her sooo much more than I ever thought and that I wanted her back and that maybe we were meant to be together. Before I dated her, I was single for 4 years and loved every minute of it. I was having fun going from girl to girl, and I was being really selfish with my time. I was reluctant when we first started dating. I liked her, but I was hesitant to call her my girlfriend or tell anybody about it. Most of the time we dated, I was still in that selfish stage, and still thought of myself in the single frame of mind. She wanted to be more serious, than I was ready for. I took her completely for granted. It wasn't a bad relationship at all, we just had little tiffs about where she was and where I was in the relationship. So after it ended, I first figured I would go back to being single, and It would be no problem. I was wrong, I went on being single and hanging out with multiple girls, but It was soooo empty. I finally realized that all that single stuff meant nothing and that I needed her love. I realized that when you're in a relationship you need to give all that you have and more and be selfless, not selfish. My life was sooo much better with her in it, and it breaks me up inside to think that I screwed it up and let it go. After we broke up, I wanted her back, but she was having fun being single and doing her thing, but we still talked. I was getting used by her because I still loved her, and she moved on very quickly. I pulled away almost completely and didn't make any effort to talk to her. Then she came sorta back saying she wasn't sure she wanted to be single any more and she needed me back in her life, but not completely. I was very hesitant, and sorta let her in but not all the way. She went on a two month trip, and I was fine, until she started sending me sweet emails. When she got back, I was hoping to win her back at some point, but of course she wants to just be friends, and now she's the one out being single and selfish, and i know that maybe she needs it. She still texts me and we hang out occasion. And we are good friends, but I think of her in a different light, because part of me (a large part) wants her back. I constantly get frustrated because it won't go that route, and I'm not sure if it ever will. I know that she needs me in her life, and is probably using me for that support. I just keep wishing I had a second chance to make things right. But it doesn't look good. We've talked, and she knows I have feelings for her, and that doesn't help matters. It makes me look very vulnerable, which I never, ever am. What do I do? Do I completely shut her out of my life? Do I pretend to be friends? Do I try to win her back at some point? Will she ever come around and realize what she had? I have been out with several girls, but all I can do is think of her. She's the one I wanna be with. Any advice can help. Thanks
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male
reader, BugsB  +, writes (11 September 2010):
With the knowledge of other partners you are at all not being judgemental towards her as she isn't towards you. Sounds like you and her will go on through years in this stage without any resolve.
Once you go back to single and selfish , she will move towards you . Once you move towards her ......... she goes back to single and selfish. Maybe the dance is all worthwhile ....... only you can make that choice.
A
female
reader, asian gangster +, writes (1 July 2008):
i really believe you should tell her how you feel.theres every chance shes still feeling the same so go ahead.remember though, no one can control each other's feelings so be prepared if she doesn't respond the way you expected.remember to expect the worse and keep thinking that way because you may find yourself very surprised.if she doesn't still love you, you at least know and can eventually move on with life. it won't be easy but all the best. =)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007): As kenny sang: "Ya gotta know when to hold 'em, ya gotta know when to fold them...." Sounds to me like it's time to fold 'em, pardner.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (19 August 2005):
 It seems that from all that you have said...that she has moved on. I understand how you feel but when someone has moved on ...there is really nothing you can do about it ...that is after you have exhausted all your avenues of talking and stuff. If after all the conversations, you see that she is still in the platonic mode...don't push it because you might push her away totally. We never have control over the decisions of another and it is frustrating when you want something to go one way but it is stubborn to stay where it is. For now my advice to you would be just be friends and love her how you love her. Loving someone never hurts the person. She is having her time for herself now and that may not be selfish ...you had your time yourself before...just give her some space and if she loves you the same that you love here...there is a possibility that you guys can reunite at some point. If you want you can talk to her one last time about you two being together again and be honest with your feelings...but whatever her decision is then...you have to respect it and go on okay. I know this hurts but ...sometimes that is how life is and we just need to make ourselves stronger by it. I hope you work things out...take care....ana
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A
female
reader, S_J_K_J +, writes (19 August 2005):
Don't pretend to be her friend, she knows how you feel about her, so pretending to be her friend isn't really a true friend at all, I would try to win her back and if that fails give yourself time to move on from her and then try to be her friend. Just live your life and if it bothers you and all you think about is her when you are with other girls, do the other girls that are trying to be with you a favor and be honest about how you feel about this girl you are head over heals for. Just hang out with your friends and live your life, give yourself time to get over her then try to move on from her. Hope this can help you!!!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2005): Oh dear. This happened to me too. I was with my ex for 5 years and then we finished. I left it too late to tell him how I felt and then he found someone else and I slipped into depression for months.
My advice to you (and it would be what I would do if I had the chance again) is to be open and honest with your feelings for her one last time, tell her you know you made mistakes and if she gives you another chance you will make up for it. Tell her you love her and you have realized it more so since you have been apart but also tell her that if she doesnt feel the same way you can no longer be friends.
I tried to stay friends with my ex in the hope that we would get back together but he was just "weening" himself off me until he got back on his feet leaving me devastated when he found someone new.
If she doesnt respond to this conversation in the way that you hope she will then you really must break all contact with her as it will tear you apart to see her getting on and enjoying life without you.
It may just be the push she needs to realize that she is going to lose you if she doesnt commit. If she doesnt come back then its unlikely she will and you need to gather all your strenght to move on.
I wish you all the luck in the world my friend, forget feeling vulnerable, dont miss out if there is an opportunity for you to be together by being too proud. Tell her and then you can move on one way or the other
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