A
male
age
41-50,
*igglywood
writes:Does she like me?Some people may have seen previous posts about me and a relationship break-up that has been really tough.I'm hoping for a bright new future and being a little out of practice on the dating side wondered if I could have a few tips and/or views, feel like a teenager again!Last week I met someone for a work meeting (she doesn't work with me) and I have met them once before, I find her attractive. I established that she may well be single and politely emailed her the next day to say thanks for coming down and that was last week and ever since we have swapped emails with yesterday being about 7 or so each which was a lot. We admitted to each other that we are both single and have been getting on really well. Both seem to have a similar sense of humour etc etc.Yesterday I decided to take a chance and asked if she fancied going for lunch, she said yes, either Wednesday or next week. We arranged to meet up on Wednesday.We also swapped mobile numbers (my sneaky way of getting it was to say it was for if we had a short notice change of plan!). She gave me her number without prompting and I text her last night and we exchanged a few texts.Do girls who only regard others as "nice people but no hope of anything more" exchange lots of mails, texts and agree to meet for lunch? or does she sound keen?I will know much more after tomorrow, if all goes well i'll ask her if she would like to meet up for a drink one evening.
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male
reader, Plum  +, writes (20 August 2007):
 That's good to know, man. Never let the fire inside burn out. I wish you all the best.
A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (20 August 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell thanks for your words Plum.
In truth I am embarrassed that I even started this thread, what a sad thing to ask a group of people I don't know!
Anyway, it is indicative of my state of mind at the time. I was probably needy and unhappy with things after a recent relationship break-up after 3 years. It is hard for me to take that my ex has no feelings for me now despite 3 years together, maybe she is shutting off to make it easier for us both to move on.
The lunch went well but it has become clear that there will be nothing beyond friends whatsoever so very insightful on your part!
Since this I have done more of the things you mentioned in that I am holding back more and not jumping in desperately and I am casually seeing someone who I don't mind saying seems very much into me.
This is probably because I am now in no hurry to have another relationship and so am better at playing it cool as it were.
Self-esteem has been an issue and I am having weekly counselling sessions to help me be the person I can be.
Will see how things go but since hardening up a little life is starting to improve.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2007): Dear Wigglywood,
Was doing some online research and stumbled onto your post. You've made several mistakes which I'll point out.
This is all by way of explanation, so don't take it too hard. I've been there before. Truth hurts, but we're men.
1) Your internal state as a man is - 'I'm not worthy. Hopefully she finds me attractive and is willing to go out with me. I'll play nice interested guy and keep asking her out. Then hopefully she'll start developing some feelings for me.' Do you see whats wrong with this picture?
Attraction must be built right from the beginning. Women are not attracted to desperate men with low-self confidence, men who pander to their every whim, who make small talk and disguise their true intentions (i.e. manipulative).
Learn what women really want. The idea here is NOT 'be yourself. Its be your BEST self, and YOU are the prize.
2. Your conversational material is weak. Admitting to each other that you're single? A woman knows exactly what men want when they make small talk. A real man doesn't disguise this, he makes it interesting.
3. Lunch for the first meet is too predictable. She does seem interested in you, but I'm willing to bet that you've been lumped into the friend zone. Lunch and dinner dates are just too boring and friendly.
4. You have no gameplan. As a man, we have to initiate and lead. Whats going to happen from now on? You guys might keep going out socially but its very very unlikely that she'll one day confess her feelings for you. At this point you'll have to pour out your heart, and the probable response will be 'let's not spoil the friendship.'
The fact that you have doubts that she's interested in you is kinda revealing of your insecurities. Deep down inside, you know it.
I'm concerned to see how this turns out. If you want to know more I can share what I know. Email me at [email address blocked]
PLUM
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (26 July 2007):
 Yea!I love happy endings! We don't get enough on this site! Keep us posted.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (26 July 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell I guess I was just nervous!Yesterday's lunch went pretty well I think. We didn't stop talking and laughing for the hour that we met up. She asked me a lot about myself and she seemed sincere and I tried hard to get her doing more of the talking. At the end I went to pay and she said that she's return the favour next time so I guess that indicates a 2nd meet up which is good.She goes away for a girls week in Spain next week so at least I can't rush things!I am just leaving it alone for now and seeing if she gets in touch rather than seeming needy!
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Whoops - fast fingers fumble me. I meant to say "... hidden corners that you CAN'T possibly see coming..."
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing +, writes (24 July 2007):
This is nice - a good-news story!
Yah, I say go with the flow. There's only as much at stake as what you've created in your mind. You're only 35 at most - there's so much more living to do yet, so enjoy these moments for what they are and don't get ahead of yourself. There will be plenty of twists, turns, and hidden corners that you can possibly see coming, so why get worked up and then project these worries onto your new friend?
Have some fun on Wednesday, and, if you are willing, tell us how it goes. Woot!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): Hey wigglywood,I agree with everyone else in regards to it does sound like she's interested. However, sending so many text messages and emails could be something which puts her off. Trust me, I get put into the "friend zone" way too much, which is something that I'm trying to change about myself. I recently came across a webpage which I found very helpful, and it might help you too. It was from a website which was shallowly called "pick-up-woman", but there was a page "nice guys finish last" that outlined my problems to a T. Anyway, I hope all goes well with lunch, and I do recommend checking out the other webpage, it is helping me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 July 2007): yes, agreed, she sounds interested. Go for it, grrr!
But don't forget to tell her about all at DearCupid who have helped you through this.... or perhaps, not.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 July 2007):
 I meant you were putting the cart before the horse as far as wondering what her intentions are. Think about that after the date. Of course there is some interest on her part, If there wasn't, she wouldn't go out. This only stands to reason, if you ask someone on a date and they say yes, it's because thet're interested in dating. If she says yes to you in particular, it's because on the surface, you meet her initial requirements. Just go and enjoy, wear clean underwear, wash behind your ears and gargle before you go.
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A
male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (24 July 2007):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Eddie/everyone!
Why am I putting the cart before the horse, thinking too much etc etc?
Just comes down to self esteem and confidence and out of practice.
Was just interested in whether many girls would agree to meet a guy for lunch like this if they weren't even a little interested!
Will relax and see how it goes.
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A
female
reader, LauraE +, writes (24 July 2007):
Hi wigglywood,
If it was me, I would have assumed that you were interested in me when you asked me out for a lunch. It wasn’t connected with work, and it wasn’t an off-the-cuff invite when you happened to be going the same way. It was a definite date. She wouldn’t have said yes if she wasn’t interested in you. No need to agonise about this though, just go out and enjoy yourself. If she flirts, which I bet she will, then away you go! Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 July 2007):
Definitely sounds interested, let us know how the lunch goes.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 July 2007):
It sounds to me with all the silly, light hearted texting that she's interested. Why would you worry about what her goals are when you haven't even gone out yet? Youre putting the cart before the horse. You met her, you liked her, you played the text/email game, you asked her out, she said yes.....where is the problem. Relax and have fun. Don't over think this.
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