A
male
age
51-59,
*ocus
writes:I just wonder if any other males have gone thru something like this and looking for advice just aggravated with the way she acts like she did nothing wrong. I've been this relationship normal up and downs. I have a son who is 7 yrs old and a step son who is 12 yrs old. We never married but to make a long story short for the last three I had my suspitions that she was cheating and she deny everything all the time this friend as she claimed she met at work was always coming up on the cell bill but i had no hard prove. Up til about 3 weeks ago she slipped up sending text to others but they went to me and the others about her affair with this man and how now he had broken it of with her she was depressed cause she had fallen in love with him. To make matters worse she also stated that she had started using drugs because of this guy (meth to be exact). In her text she claimed to be using this stuff for the whole time they had met. I didn't know what to do, the affair part I put on the back burner I needed to get her help was my first thought but didn't know how to go about. She rejected anything I did. I spent a week just being hurt, crying and asking god why me. Now the last 2 weeks it's been more of still hurt but upset because she kept stalking him wanting him back and now she goes to work graveyard and when off on the weekend doesn't come home again like before until the afternoon. Stays a bit and is gone again to work. During the week she comes home so I can go to work takes the kids to school is gone until she needs to pick them up comes home. Until I get home and she's gone again days off she won't come back until it's time to take them to school again. It is killing me because I can't get thru to her she goes to see him. Or just a few times to hang out with co workers, I feel I can't kick her out cause the laws favor her and I will lose my son. I need to protect but attorney fee are to much for me at the moment because I'm also trying to climb out of the hole/debt with our bills meaning she did the budget bills weren't getting paid cause she was pulling money out for her addiction and we were going negative. Now I have control have canceled or have blocked access to credit cards and bank. Catching up but she hurts me with her way of going about things nothing matter. She says she addicted but you can see it the kids can see it. I don't know how to go about it but I need to find a way to let go and fight for my kids it sucks for them. She try's in all ways to make me feel like it's all my fault. Anyone have any advice, I have bank, text and a journals stating all that I have seen and heard. Finally finding an affordable attorney but is there something else I can do or should be doing. It really hurts to think about this all the time and when she won't come home it eats away does she not get that she is not just hurting me but the kids too.
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affair, at work, co-worker, depressed, drugs, money, stalking, text Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Focus +, writes (6 June 2011):
Focus is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow I didn't think anyone would reply but thanks for the kind words and advice. From a daughters perspective is very interesting, verry sorry for what you've gone thru. Thank you to all
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (5 June 2011):
 you poor thing :( just keep going the way you are doing, your kids need you and you are doing a great job. then when you can afford it get legal advice. the law SHOULD give the children to the best parent who has their interests at heart, regardless if this is mum or dad, but as we all know, sometimes the law does not do its job correctly. keep records of all her behaviour and show it all to your lawyer when the time comes. will you be able to give the kids enough of you time and still keep afloat financially? reduce your hours at work? enlist the help of your friends and family to help you with childcare? get all this organised now while you are getting the money together for your legal fees. can you ask the woman to leave the house? it is no good for the children to be seeing all this behaviour. if she is trying to tell you she is not addicted then i don't think she will be seeking help for her drug problem any time soon
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2011): I dont know much about the law, however my mom is a recovering meth addict, and I can give you advice for a daughter's perspective. My mom acted similar to your situation. My father was a very good man, and my mom had 4 children. She had cheated, left the house days on in, etc. This may not be the RIGHT thing to do, but...like i said..from a daughter's perspective. Don't take away the kids. It'll either make her worse, and eventually make your children resent her. I was taken away from my mother when I was 14, and even though it was better for me to get out of the bad enviroment, it seemed to make it worse. My mother felt like there was no point in life, b/c her children weren't in it. My mom was in and out of rehab for years, and never worked. I hated my mom for ruining my life. I had to move away from my friends, be away from my own mother, and i felt like my world was ending. Then- my father moved next door to my mom, and my mom was so much better. She went into rehab one more time, and recovered. She was a meth addict for many, many years. And has been clean for 5 years now. Don't be afraid to be harsh to her, I have been very harsh to my mother, although I love her, she can piss me off. I told her exactly how I felt. My words were terrible. However, it help my mom hit rock bottom. One thing you gotta realize, she's right. Its the drugs. She's not herself anymore. For many years i felt like it was my mom who was ruining my life, but...it wasn't my mom, it was the drug. You have to realize that meth is a really strong drug, and it can change a person completely. Its not even the same person.First thing you need to do, is give her your two cents. You tell her exactly how you feel. Don't hold anything back, and maybe even threaten her by taking her to court or whatever. I'm sure she loves her kids, and I am certain this will hurt her. She will tell you shes going to get clean, and she might screw up a couple of times. But..the only reason shes going to get better, is for her kids, and for you. And taking those 2 things out of her life, she feels as if theres nothing for her to change. Get her into rehab, and tell her things are going to change if she doesn't. Don't be afraid to threaten her.
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