A
male
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*D
writes:Flirting with a taken woman?I have been in an amateur theater group for about 2 years. Last November(2005), some new members joined our group; one was a young woman, Jessica. From the first moment we saw each other, we engaged in intense, eye contact and I admit I was quite smitten by her appearance and style. During the following months, she showed signs of being intelligent, warm, talented, besides being quite beautiful. However, I found out quite early(December or so) that she had a boyfriend, so although I liked her, I never really made an effort to court her, nor did I ever ask her out. Over the following months, Jessica and I talked from time to time during our theater class , and sometimes we had to do all sorts of theatrical exercises which put us into physical contact with each other. In early January, I invited her to a party which I was throwing(I invited everybody in my theater group), and she told me that she would try to come(with her boyfriend of course). She never showed, but the following week, she explained that she also had another commitment that evening. I didn't attach much importance to the matter, as our relationship was friendly, but not very close. Anyway, a few months after that, in March, we were having a conversation between breaks in our play rehearsals, and I don't remeber how it happened exactly, but she asked me if I was seeing anyone seriously. I answered that I was dating , but not actually in a serious relationship, which was the truth. Then, I asked her the same question(although, I already knew she had a boyfriend). She answered that she has been with her boyfriend for 7 years, and that they had talked about getting married. But at this point, she mentioned that she didn't feel ready for marriage. This seemed to me to be a sign that she was in control of the realtionship.Anyway, a few day ago(early June), our theatre group met for the last session of the year, as we break for summer. On that day, we all decided to go to a local bar and celebrate the end of a good theatrical year. This is not an unusual occurence, because at the end of each session with the group(throughout the year), some of us would go to the same local pub for a drink and some good music. Ellie had never joined us, but on this last day, she came along too. In fact, before leaving the theater, she playfully asked me if I had a car. I answered that I did, and that we would meet in a few minutes at the bar. She had basically offered to give me a ride to the bar, but it was unnecessary. Later at the bar, many people from our group had gotten together, and when I arrived I stated talking with a few friends. Elli came over, and before I knew it, we started talking about all sorts of things. We started talking about common interests and relationships, and she kept asking me about previous relationships I had been in. Generally, it was very easy and enjoyable talking with her. However, there were many people in the bar, and as I am quite outgoing, I also talked,and flirted with many of the girls there, acting playfully and generally, having a good time. Yet, Elli always seemd to be close by, and she would always end up next to me for some more conversation. During the course of the evening, she told me a bit about her relationship too, about how she and her boyfriend had been together for 7 years(from the age of 18, she is now 25, he is 28). She told me that she had split up with him a few years back(her decision), for about 6 months, because she felt she needed to meet other people, but how in the end, they got back together when she realised he was the right person for her. However,while saying all this, Elli kept touching my arm and chest throughout the night, and brushing her right breast up against me all night(Note: She was wearing clothing which exposed quite a bit of cleavage. Quite out of the ordinary, as she usually dresses unprovocatively). As she was getting ready to leave, she asked if we(the members of the group)would meet socially during the summer. I told her that , no doubt, some sort of get together would be planned. She smiled and told me to call her so she could come. When I told her I'd call, she wanted to make sure I had her phone number(NOTE: This was a bit surprising because Elli knows everybody else in the group, including our director, so she hardly needed me to call and inform her). We then kissed(cheek, she aimed really close to my lips though) and she left.After this evening, I am trying to understand where I stand with Elli. Among a group of friends, she chose to spend the whole evening with me, despite not being so close the whole year before. Over the course of the evening she kept touching and brushing up against me. Furthermore, there is the matter of her making sure I had her number. I know she has been in a relationship for 7 years, but I can't help feeling that there is something on between us. Her references to marrying her boyfriend seem to carry an air of routine, as if she is the one pulling all the strings, and the fact that she broke up with him a few years back may seem to point to a less than perfect relationship.What do other readers think? Is this girl interested in me, or is she just flirtng? Should I call and invite her for some coffee and see what happens? What advice would you give me?I know many will disapprove because she has a boyfriend, but after 7 years and 1 break-up , it may just be she is searching for someone.Thanks for your help
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broke up, engaged, flirt, got back together, has a boyfriend, she has a boyfriend, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, GD +, writes (14 June 2006):
GD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate - I have called her ad arraged to have coffee. Over the course of some conversation, I will try to sort out the situation.
A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 She just enjoying the attention that you give her, and knows that you fancy her. Keep it simple be friends, but i dont think there will be a great deal more than that. She has her boyfriend, she clearly loves him, your just a bit of fun when he isnt around, she likes the flirting but has no intention of leaving her man.
Dont waste your time on someone that is already in a reltionship, it will always end up hurting someone.
Find someone thats unattached its far easier to work out whats what with them and decide whether you want to be with them. Why make it so much more complicated. Take it for what it is with this girl a bit of fun and thats it.
Take care
x
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A
male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (12 June 2006):
 For the time being, play dumb and ignore what you perceive to be sexual advances. If she becomes more direct, i.e. she asks you out for dinner or says that she wants a more intimate relationship, you should find out how she thinks things are going with her man. You don't want to become the other guy in an act of infidelity, because if she can cheat on him, then in the future she can cheat on you too. But maybe we're getting too far ahead of ourselves.
Enjoy the flirting, but remember that currently there is a boundary between you and her. Don't go looking for a relationship with her until the boundary is gone.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (11 June 2006):
 I think the seven/eight/nine year itch has come into play here and you need to be careful you don't get sucked in. If she is truely interested and you are as well, then you need to ask her to finish one relationship before moving onto the next.
xx
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A
female
reader, Annabelle +, writes (11 June 2006):
This woman is clearly just flirting with you.IF maybe one day you end up with her who says she wont flirt with other guys as well?shes doing it now isnt she?She is just attracted to you and bored.She will keep going back to her current guy because she.s used to him.Go on with your life-she.s not worth it.
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