A
male
age
30-35,
*much4u
writes:i am 19 yrs old and i belive in the value and principal of sex only after marriage. there is this young girl 17, who attends the same church i do. ever since we were young some of the adults in the church touted us as the next couple that we would get married to each other someday. i never really made much of it. but as we turned teenages this got to her head and she developed a big crush on me. she never approached me and told me anything directly. i obviously didn't like her in a "girlfriend sense" so ieft it alone thinking that one day the crush would die down. but it hasn't. i one day overheard her telling my sister how she is extremely attracted to me. this has started to freak me out. i intentionally leave subtle signs trying to show her that i don't like her as a girlfriend but just a normal friend without being a jerk, but she isn't getting the picture. right now many of the young people at my church are starting to look at me like i'm a (prick, jerk or dickhead) for not asking her to be my girlfriend. there have been guys who try to date her but she turns them down in the hope that one day i will ask her out or something.my mistake was that i should have spoken to her a long time ago, telling her how i feel but i didn't. if i speak to her now i really look like a jerk for taking too long. i am not like the other guys at my church who just rush into relationships only to find out three weeks later that they don't really like the girl and have to think of some silly excuse to dump her. i don't like to see girls get hurt like that so i just prefer not to fool them and tell them i love the in the first place. What should I do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 May 2011):
 I agree it's never too late to be honest...
I suggest however you ask her out for coffee or a soda or something in a nice public place (so often you see couples on dates at Starbucks).... and tell her that you like her but only as a friend... and that you could never see anything developing between the two of you... the sooner it's out there the better.
the issue is she may not HEAR what you are saying.... she may still continue to carry a torch and hope and pray that you will change your mind. THAT is not your fault once you have come clean with her....
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