A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. We've broken up twice. Both of which resulted in his undiscussed trust issues when I went away to college. Recently, we've been doing good...or so I thought. I had a girl come to me and tell me that my boyfriend was planning to meet her when he went to the beach this weekend. I found that out two nights ago and I talked to his sister...me and his sister are close. He has still not tried to contact me about it and I really want to let the relationship go. I've heard several things about him cheating. It will be hard trying to let it go after all this time that we've been together, but it's what I truly want. I've tried before, but I always end up taking him back. What do I need to do to get over this relationship. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TEM +, writes (18 May 2011):
 When you look out into the future, do you see him in it? Do you think he would make a good life partner? Would you want him to be the father of your children? If the answer to any of these questions is, "No" it's time to break up with him. At your age 3 and a half years are enough to know whether or not you are compatible with someone, whether or not they are right for you. Someone you cannot trust is not right for you.
I know it will be very difficult. You have a lot invested in this relationship, but it will only get more difficult as time goes on, and you know it is inevitable, so you have to make the break. Expect to feel pretty awful for a while. I imagine this is why you kept going back with him. You had a hard time dealing with the pain involved with breaking up. Sooner or later, however, the pain of being with him will exceed the pain of being free of him.
After you make the break, change as many things as you can. Avoid triggers that remind you of the relationship. Listen to new music, go to new places, wear new scents, etc. etc. And by all means get out there and try to meet someone new. You would be amazed at how quickly a new love interest helps you heal.
In the eyes of the world you are a very young woman. You will meet someone else, and that guy will be the one that treats you well. You now know what you don't want. You'll be very happy when you find the right guy, and you will.
Best of luck.
TEM
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