A
female
age
36-40,
*nimas
writes:i'm devoted to my boyfriend for 8 years, but i recently only found out that he is going to online sex partners and he wrote that he wanted to have group sex..When i asked about this, he said that its for fun but he didn't meet anyone. i wanted a break up but he is pleading not to leave him saying that it will not happen in future.. but he never complained about my appearance at all. i am a chubby girl. i don't know whether to trust him or to break up with him. what should i do?
View related questions:
a break Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, enimas +, writes (19 May 2011):
enimas is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you
A
male
reader, Universe Man  +, writes (18 May 2011):
Well, aunt honesty's advice will definitely show him that you mean business, but in that month's time, there's every reason for him to pursue other women or group sex, and really no reason not to. And that would be his right.Look, your boyfriend loves you and is afraid of losing you. But he also wants to have sex with other women. That is a fact of life. There are many ways that you might convince him to never act on those feelings. But he will not lose those feelings.Do you want to dump him and look for another guy--one who will never have a non-monogamous thought in his whole life? Good luck. They do exist, but not in large numbers.My advice is to try to understand his motivation for being on those sites without judging him. Tell him you want to understand these aspects of his sexuality. Maybe he has fantasies about group sex that he could share with you. Maybe you'll find the fantasies exciting as well. Maybe the opportunity to fantasize with you about things like that will make him reconsider the desire to actually act on the feelings.To want or to try to cleanse these non-monogamous thoughts from his mind is a fool's errand. Instead, tell him that you simply want to be let in so that you can truly understand the nature of his sexuality.
...............................
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 What he done was very wrong and now he needs to pay for it. Dont just take him back because you will probably struggle to trust him now. He needs to earn his trust back and show you that he is worth it. I think the best thing to do is to go on a break for a month with no contact. Show him that you mean business, after the month is up go back and talk to him. This will give you time to clear your head and it will also give him time to realise what he has done and give him time to miss you.
When you are back together after the month just make it clear to him that he needs to work hard on gaining back your trust if he wants the relationship to work. Tell him you are both starting over again and it is just a trial run to see if you can trust him again.
...............................
|
