A
male
age
36-40,
*noitcurtsnoc
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 and a half years. All is grand. She used to have a best friend, a guy, who she maintains she was very close too. One night, they had sex, she insists it was a mistake, 'a complete one off' and that it never happened again. Recently he has been contacting her to have a catch up. He has a girlfriend. This bothers me? Am I being unreasonable?
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 Was the sex when you two were an item or not?
If so, she has cheated before, it is then perfectly reasonable to expect them to show more restraint. If she isn't willing to show extra restraint (if she cheated she can't claim to be innocent after all) then that says a lot about her.
Just beware. Peoples actions speak louder then words. It is all very easy to say you regret a mistake but when you then take no action to avoid a repeat, that becomes hard to believe.
A
male
reader, Noslonomo  +, writes (8 November 2010):
I would have to say it depends on if you feel your GF is trust worthy. If you feel you can trust her and everything in your relationship has been good, then you shouldn't be worried. Let her go the first time alone but by the second time I'd ask to come along to meet her good friend, or like KeighleySky said have her ask him to a double date so you can gauge how everyone reacts to eachother. Be open to the situation or she may hide things from you and later blame you for them because you over reacted in the first place.
As for him I'd never trust him, you don't know him and most likely he doesn't feel them sleeping together was a mistake, most men that regret sleeping with a woman just won't have anything to do with them again if they can help it and in this case you said he contacted her...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I don't think you should feel worried unless she has shown you any suspicious behaviour during your relationship. If it was a one time thing it was a one time thing, and if they wanted more, surely they had every opportunity to hook up again before she started dating you.
I say you shouldn't feel worried. Its normal though to get a bit jealous in situations like these. You naturally don't want a person you are with to be friendly with someone they had sex with before. But you also need to remember that she is not "yours", she doesn't belong to anyone but herself, and if she wants to meet an old friend she has every right to. Just because you are her boyfriend it doesn't give you the right to decide anything for her. She gets to make her own decisions, and you need to respect those decisions or find a new girlfriend.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (8 November 2010):
 I think it is ok for it to bother you, it is natural when presented with the idea of your partner meeting up with someone they have been intimate with in the past.
However there is a difference between something "bothering" you and then putting you foot down and controlling your girlfriend. She has no reason not to catch up with her friend, I presume she has not been unfaithful in the past or has given you a reason not to trust her, therefore she should go and meet up with him.
Look at it this way - he is an old friend who she hasnt seen for a while, yes they had 1 silly night but it was a one-off and clearly they have moved on. She has you, he has a girlfriend - therefore clearly this is just 2 old friends wanting to have a catch up. There really is no harm in that, and if you trust her and love her then let her go and meet up with him. She will appreciate you so much for it, and it will prove to yourself that you have no reason to be insecure over such an insignificant thing as this.
I suggest you explain to her that you are ok with her meeting up with him because you understand he is an old friend. However because of their history you are a little uncomfortable with it so you are not going to be overjoyed by the occasion and wont feel brilliant about it. That way she knows you are not being insecure and jealous over nothing, which she will appreciate, yet she will also see that you need some reassurance over this and she will keep that in the back of her mind when she meets up with him.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, KeighleySky +, writes (8 November 2010):
 well you haven't explained if you've done anything. Being a little cautious around your girlfriends ex lover is perfectly normal, just ask her nicely if she'll not meet up with him alone, or suggest you all go on a double date. Your allowed to be cautious but dont try to ban her from seeing him, she has to have friends whether their girls or boys. her firend might feel the same about the whole situation.
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