A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I'm 17, and I've never really had a proper gf until now. I'm a very innocent virgin, but I've met this girl who's 17 too and I think I'm madly in love. But she has so much sexual experience; long term relationships, casual sex, same-sex sex etc.. that she is very open about. I'm both worried that I won't be able to fulfil her appetite, and that I'll become really jealous and insecure of her past and this will drive us apart.I think we both have intense platonic love, and at the moment I am just enjoying being with her on this platonic level, and I don't particularly want to have sex, but she does; every time we meet at each other's houses it turns into trying sex, and me (probably because of my worry and pressure I feel) not really being able to perform. She has asked if she's pressuring me into sex and I say no, because I do want to be able to enjoy sex with her, but I'm worried that if I say I don't want to start so soon she'll stop seeing me as a viable partner.So what do you think I should do? Have you been through the same?Thanks.
View related questions:
her past, insecure, jealous, still a virgin Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, meganutts  +, writes (17 August 2009):
 Young man, young man. Let me share something wth you that is the honest truth, if you should get to the point where u give in to her advances, know that once you get inside, your not going to last long. Accept that now. As far as pleasing her, dont over work your brain on it, if she is as experienced as you say then she should already knows your a virgin and your not going to be in it for a long haul. If you have been masturbating at all, its a totally different feeling and your not gonna be ready for it. But with experience comes stamina and knowledge of what you like and don't. With all that said, let me say this, don't ever feel you have to give in just because she wants it, in my opinion your better off waiting until a more unseasoned potential comes along, that way the gap in experiences and expectations are low enough not to hurt anyones feeling when its over. Take your time kid, I'm 24 but I waited til I was 20 to lose mine, I was a waste and I wish I had waited longer, but I couldn't, me was sooooo horny lol. But yea don't give in man, your young, enjoy ur life as a virgin first then work on finding sumone close enough to that status. Hope that helps.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2008): This I copied from your text:
'I think we both have intense platonic love, and at the moment I am just enjoying being with her on this platonic level, and I don't particularly want to have sex, but she does;'
You do not particualry want to have sex so don't! Tell her I do not want to have sex with you yet. I need time to develop trust between us!
if she is only after sex and you want something more real than she'll be off but you will not have bad experience!!!
REMEMBER: World is the way we see it! If you have experience like that you will start believeing it's normal. if you have romantic experience first that will be normal for you. YOU create your experience, DO NOT LET anybody else to do it!
DO WHAT YOU BELIEVE IN!!!! Trust your judgments, trust your instincts!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): My advice is to take it slow.. you fine with oral sex? its a good way to get off, and if you do it right it can be alot more pleasurable for her anyway. also theres no risk of pregnancy. if your down with that, tell her that your extremely worried about pregnancy. this way you both win. you get sexual experiance (not a bad thing) and she gets the release she needs, and the intimacy too.
once you start experimenting, you realize that sex isn't really the big deal that its made out to be.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): If she loves her and you know she loves you, you want have to do anything you don't want to. Also I wouldn't want to lose it to someone who is very experienced. No offense to her.
...............................
A
female
reader, xx-sarah-xx +, writes (29 March 2008):
Im a girl and trust me ive been through the same, you think in your head how about if i dont do it properly or shes had better.When u actually come to doing it,it wont be as bad as you thought it would all you need to do is tell her how you feel.
...............................
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Does she know that you haven't slept with anyone before? I think she needs to know this. If she is as experienced as you say, I think she'll behave differently then, and make you feel better. At the moment she's probably starting to feel quite insecure, and that you don't want her physically.
It would be a pity to lose her as you have such a solid platonic relationship. You only feel inhibited and unable to take it to a sexual level because you're worried about performance and not being experienced. Well, here's your chance to get some experience! With someone who knows a bit more than you, and feels strongly for you, and would, I'm sure, want to make it right for you.
I know it makes you more vulnerable to say about your inexperience, but honestly, I think it's the only way forward. And I think as the anonymous guy says, you'll really kick yourself later if you give her up now because you're basically just shy about it. Now is the time to let yourself go, and let her help you. Trust me, within a pretty short period of time you'll be wanting sex 24/7 : ) - and also remember that for a girl, someone being a virgin isn't in any way a turn-off. It makes everything more precious.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Yes. I had a g/f once just the same. I simply wasn't ready for sex. Only a short time later after I had become sexually active, I kicked myself all over the head for losing her, because I could not by that time ever seem to get enough sex. Sounds as though that is what you g/f wants. Sorry to hear it. If it's just sex she wants, you could always give her my contact details. I'd be very happy for you to carry on loving her platonically as well.
...............................
|
