A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ridiculous as it sounds, I'm 25 and my parents have banned me from seeing my boyfriend.They're very snobby and he is from a less priviliged background and they don't think he is good enough for me.We had been seeing each other 6 months before I introduced them to him, so they think it's a new relationship.They don't want him in the house or me seeing him.I'm really falling in love with him and I can't let him go just because of what my parents think.We both have cars but don't want to spend our evenings just sitting in them or driving around constantly.Does anyone have any ideas of what we can do or where we can go to meet?Thank you in advance... Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): I can understand how you must feel. Not only did my parents try to run my life until I was in my 20s, but after my mother died, some of her sisters tried to tell me what to do when I was 35 years old. I never argued with them, but I did ignore them. They never liked any girl/woman who I dated and didn't like my first wife much. They liked my girlfriend after my divorce until they discovered that I stayed at her place overnight one time. Then they wanted to know what I was doing with someone like that. I was 34 at the time. Of course, that didn't stop me, but then I was on my own from the age of 22 on. I never told them when we started to live together a few years later.
I can sympathize with your situation, as that could have been me if my financial situation had been different than it was. Fortunately, I had graduated from college and was on my own at 22. It is difficult for people to understand your situation if they have not experienced something similar. They cannot fully understand how you feel. People here try to give the best advice they can, but sometimes it is difficult to put ones self into another person's situation. You really need to try to get yourself into a financial position that will enable you to move out and be more independent.
I don't have any more suggestions on how to get together with your boyfriend, but I do wish you good luck in getting out of this situation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Transcowboy and Waterloo Sunset for your advice :o)
I can't help how my parents are, I should stand up to them but it's difficult when I know how difficult life will be made for me. Yes they are snobby and I don't agree with their ways, but I can't afford to live on my own right now, my course is basically 9-5 Monday to Friday and I do evening and weekend work so I can afford petrol, to maintain my car etc.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): So we're thinking of ways for this 12 year old girl, sorry, 25 year old woman to sneak out to see her secret boyfriend without her parents finding out?
Firstly, please don't speak to people who have taken time from their day to give advice to you the way you spoke Ruby. That was very unnecessary and didn't really show you in the best of lights did it?
Secondly, do you have any idea how childish you sound? Sneaking out behind your parents back at 25 is pathetic. Why don't you get a backbone and stand up to them? In five years time you will be 30, are they still going to be dictating your lovelife then?
There really isn't much more to say. Apart from grow up and show some balls. Time to break away from mummy and daddy, princess.
Now I'll just patiently wait for you to attck me the way you did Ruby. No doubt you will as I didn't tell you what you wanted to hear did I?
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male
reader, medic999 +, writes (30 March 2008):
Hon, you're 25, obviously intelligent and you love this man you're seeing, brilliant, and it obviously hurts you that you're not able to be yourselves around each other because you're worried so much about meeting up, where, when, how, so many questions and all these questions play on your mind when you ARE together, you have to think of excuses and ways to get out and see each other.
In terms of suggesting a place then I can and to be honesst even if i could i would not!
You need to..not i suggest, but rather you need to stand up TO, not AGAINST, critical word here is stand up TO them!
You are their daughter, they are you parents and they have raised you into a lady however you are way above 21 - the adult age - and you are now essentially free to do as you wish, parents never stop being parents but at that age they MUST take on a 'hands off approach' to say the least.
You need to explain that you are now you're own woman and although you appreciate their care and concern, quite simply you do not need it in this instance.
Don't sneak behind their back, TELL them you love him and you want to see him and that you will do, YOU take control of the situation and if they still do not understand that you have your own life now then i'm sorry it's time for you to consider other living arrangements, if they give you a hard or rough time this is 'DOMESTIC ABUSE'! what they are doing is a CRIME in the united kingdom, i'm a lawyer, believe me, you can see WHO you want and WHEN you want :) you need to talk to them! i don't know if you're studying or working but also if you can afford other accomodation go for it! you say you both have cars? well if you're chat with your parents doesn't work out then can you not stay with him? can't you start renting together? to be able to spend quality time together for once without hassle right? you stand up to them, you don't deserve this!
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): wot kind of idiots are u?? Ur parents bring u up, changed ur nappies, fed u, clothed u, cleaned u yet u say "I'm younger than u and I don't listen to my parents". U r corrupt. Of course freedom at that age is essential but be thankful for parents coz they created u. U shud alays agree with them even if ur gona not do as they say at least it'll keep them happy like they kept u happy as a child!!! Grow some brains n be thankful!!
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reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Ruby!!!! Why are you apologising to this nasty spoilt bitch??? If anything it should be the other way round, she slagged you off and threw your advice back in your face.
I think it is high time she got off her high horse and grow up and rake responsibility for her own actions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): I kinda agree with everyone else here. you have to grow up girl. i know i wouldn't take that shit from my parents, and im younger then you are.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 March 2008):
Ha Ha Dr Vendetta you rascal. I am glad someone is taking down Little Missy My A**e Does Not Stink down a peg or two.
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male
reader, Dr Vendetta +, writes (29 March 2008):
 "That's something sensible someone said to me on another forum...Why is this website so rubbish for answers?"
OOOHH la-de-dar.
I'm sorry we don't meet up to your Snobbish upbringing.
Here allow me to put on a tux and hand deliver your answer on a silver platter.
you're 25. Grow a set of balls and stand up to your parents. Plain and simple.
The reason it is plane and simple is because.. It is simple. You are 25... you are an..for lack of a better word. an Adult.
Stand up to your parents. Stop letting your parents Rule you. Get a job. Get a house, get a flat, Get a room for rent. move out and live you own damned life.
Now quit your bitching at the aunts here, stop being a snob.. much like your parents and get a life.
Theres your silver platter. can i get you anything else? or maybe help you wipe you arse?
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female
reader, scythe  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 "Why is this website so rubbish for answers?"
Because we try and help you with the WHOLE problem, not just find temporary solutions.
If you only wanted to recieve suggestions about places to meet, you should have made it very clear. If you give us background info you should expect opinions on it.
Personally, I think that the chick who suggested you find your own apartment offered you the best advice, with the limited background you gave her. And you did say "Does anyone have any ideas of WHAT WE CAN DO or where we can go to meet?" so her answer was relevant.
Now for the second part of your question....
Meet during the daytime when your parents would be less suspicious of your whereabouts. Meet at a neutral location, ie: the local shops, the library, the city. This way you dont have to fully lie to your parents if they ask you where have you been.. .simply say "to the shops". Basically you can go anywhere with him, except for places that your parents/friends might see you, and just tell you parents you are going there with friends/colleuges etc.
I really can't think of any more places to suggest. I hope that helped you a little.
Take care
Scythe
xox
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 March 2008):
Hey stop condemning peoples advice they give you!!, everybody on Cupid has taken time out to advise you on your problem. I get the feeling that the reason why your parents treat you like a child is because you act like one especially by telling Ruby. "Why don't you stop generalising and assuming. Not that its your business but I was on my own I'm currently in the middle of a career change and can't afford to live on my own. So either answer the question and keep your trap shut". That is very unkind of you to criticise her for giving the advice, everybody is entitled to their own opinions. So in future try and be a bit more grateful, if you don't like the advice we give you then don't write to this column if you think our advice SUCKS.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hi.
do you both not have some friends house that you can meet up at? Or maybe a relative that you can go to, maybe have a meal there and share the cost. Say, go to an aunts house and you all chip in and get a take away and spend some time together that way. I really do sympathise with you for having all these obstacles in your way. It is so hard when one set of parents dont like who we are with. But you are over 18 and can decide just who you want to see.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Hello. I am sorry that you found my previous answer so unhelpful and felt I was generalising. Ok, places to go so you can spend time with your boyfriend....cinema, hotels, restaurants, pubs, clubs, cafes, museums, the park, art gallery, weekends away, friends houses, his house, etc, etc, etc. It is a shame that your parents do not trust your judgement in your boyfriend - I hope they come round! Take care.
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male
reader, Transcowboy  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 Since you are both students, why dont you try to meet on campus, maybe at the libraray or the coffee shop. If that doesnt work, you could maybe meet at the mall or park. There are tons of places you could meet and then your parents wouldnt know. Good Luck
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat's something sensible someone said to me on another forum...Why is this website so rubbish for answers?
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy don't you go to the cinema, go away for a cheap weekend (if you are a student I'm sure you are on a budget!), do a search for local events, even if it's not something you think you would enjoy, at least it's something you can do together without sitting in the car!
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the very unhelpful answers!
I didn't ask for your views on the situation, merely places we could go. Does anyone ever actually READ people's questions?
Ruby, why don't you stop generaluising and assuming?
Not that it's your business, but I was on my own. I'm currently in the middle of a career change and couldn't afford to live on my own.
So either answer the question properly or keep your trap shut.
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female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (29 March 2008):
Your parents have no right to ban you from seeing your boyfriend and they are treating you like a little girl.
I suggest you move out and find a flat so you can come and go as you please, YOU ARE AN ADULT and have to make your own decisions in life.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): If you are 25 and come from such a good background I am very surprised that you don't have a job which would allow you to move out and support yourself. I find it a bit bizarre that you are allowing your parents to have such an influence over your life - you are not 15!
To be honest I think that you need to focus on becoming more independent because at 25 you really should be making your own decisions. Once you are more independent you can spend as much time as you want with your boyfriend! Also, why can you not just go and stay at his?
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