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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I have been feeling very sad and stressed out lately. I have a boyfriend of two years. For a while now, there is this girl who's mutual friends with my boyfriend and his friends. I've known her for a while and she has always had a problem with me and doesn't like me, etc etc so I just stay away from her. Well, she is always around and it makes me feel uncomfortable because we don't get along. The big problem is is that now she has started to flirt with my boyfriend right in front of me and I think she does it to upset me (I really don't understand why girls do this.) She has added him on Facebook, got his number through one of his friends so now shes texting him all the time and sending pictures of herself to him. My boyfriend doesn't really understand what she is doing but I think she's doing it to stir up drama and upset me. I'm not really sure exactly how my boyfriend reacts to her behavior or what he says to her but it's been going on for a couple of weeks now and is really upsetting me. What should I do??
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 OP, you think she’s flirting with your boyfriend TO UPSET YOU?
The first thing I need to explain to you is that the world does NOT revolve around you and that is NOT why she’s flirting with him.
If she’s always had problems with you, perhaps she is insecure and jealous of you. Perhaps she doesn’t like your hair or the perfume you wear… who knows. Doesn’t matter really.
Let’s point out that your concern is not with the other young lady but rather with yourself and your boyfriend.
SHE added him on facebook you say. BUT you neglect to say he had to ALLOW IT. So she can try to add him on facebook all she wants but if he does not confirm she can’t add him.
She got his number through one of his friends so she’s texting him all the time and sending him pictures of herself. AND why is he responding to her? Why is he not blocking her number? Why is his accepting things she’s doing HER fault? It’s not but you don’t want to blame him for his bad behavior so you blame her.
Your boyfriend doesn’t get it because like many men, they are clueless about a woman going after them. They have no clue they are being hit on.
You are not sure how your bf reacts to her or what he says? Well ASK HIM.
IF a woman was calling my husband and texting him and sending him pictures on his phone I know what he would do… show me the texts and pictures and then delete them. He would NOT be responding to her in any way shape or form. He’s NOT interested in her ego stroking flirtations.. he’s happily taken.
IF your boyfriend is egging her on with replies and such and not shutting her down by ignoring her or blocking her, then your issue is not with her but rather with your boyfriend. I know you don’t want to hear that because it’s so much easier to blame the person outside of the relationship but it’s really the truth. HER bad behavior is not a reflection on him. HIS bad behavior (if he has it) is on him.
A
female
reader, jenlarlham +, writes (28 March 2013):
You should ask your boyfriend to either quit socializing with her or tell her if she wants to be friends she needs to quit disrespecting you. She is just trying to make you jealous. When he does that it will do two things let her know how he feels about you, and it will help put a stop to you being jealous. You will feel more secure in the relationship.
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A
female
reader, chinana  +, writes (28 March 2013):
 Dear OP, I know this is tough but don't, don't play that game with her. That's what she is after, getting you upset which could lead to fights with your boyfriend and possibly a split. Smile and be happy, dont tense up around her, its an act and it sucks but thats the only way to deal with her. Even mention the fact that you like the pictures she sent your boyfriend, it will show her that you and him have no secrets. When she realizes that you are not reacting the way she wants you to react you are civil and not hostile then she will probably give up and move on. The fact that your boyfriend is telling you what she is doing then you can trust him, but he needs to draw the line and ignore her completely thats the solution. You cannot force him to do it but you can talk to him about it. Ask him how he would want you to behave if another guy was flirting, texting and making advances at you. If he entertains her texts and advances in a positive way then she will continue to make advances. There are some women/girls out there who will do anything for attention, they are selfish, stupid and bitter, they dont care even when they are hurting other people (life is not fair sometimes). The key is in outwitting them by remaining calm and not getting angry and lashing out at them or your boyfriend dont give her that satisfaction. Sooner or later she will get bored and give up on your man.
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