A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey Agony Aunts!I have a great story to tell, and I do need lots of answers. I hope you are prepared, because I am going to really make your minds work!I met a special girl on a very special day. Guess what! She wanted nothing to do with me! Go figure. I finally left my number on her car, and she texted me. She lives an hour and a half away! She has a child, and is legally married. Though they don't get along, they were legally separated.We went on dates and her story unfolded. Her child's father, used to beat her, and cheat on her. I would never imagine laying hands on her. He has 3 children at the age of 21, and guess what. He has 3 different baby mama too! She unfolded her life to me in 10 short, but amazing months. She begged me to marry her, begged me to move in with her. I acted ignorant. I was mean to her. She finally ended it and went back to him.Here I am, four months later. I have found God, changed my attitude, and really made huge improvements with her in mind.She texted me 4 days ago. In these 4 days I have found out that the 3rd baby was born last week. She has pretty much told me that she is only on the rebound with this guy. She is living with him, but thinking of me. She wants me to come see her because she misses me. I have been very patient and not lost my temper at all. She says that she doesn't see a future with him. I told her that I could not come until she chose what she wanted. She replied, and told me that she had to see if I have really changed. I thought this was really messed up to begin with, until I sat and thought long and hard about all the times that I have cried that I am different, and it lasted a few days.She says she wants me back, but she doesn't want to get hurt. This time I really am changed. What do I do everyone? Do I try to carry this on out. There is no doubt that I love her. There is no doubt that she loves me. Do I stay her friend for the time being, and show her that I want her and her son in my life? I really want her back, and I want it to be right. Please help me out guys.You are so appreciated!
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (26 January 2013):
 It doesn't sound like the healthiest relationship and there are children involved that you need to think about. If you want to go back make sure you treat her right and with respect. Emotionally she is going to be very vulnerable if she has been in an abusive relationship. You need to respect that and take things slow. I'm sure the other man would have promised her many things that didnt come true. Don't do the same!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): The whole situation is built upon dysfunction. If she is attracted to those that abuse and you have an anger issue, she is attracted to that part of you. This gal has no sense of direction as she just wants to jump from one guy to the next. If your about change and changing your own self to grow mentally, emotionally, and spiritually....you will out grow the dysfunction she thrives on. Continue your path of healing....find someone unattached to baggages of dysfunction and grow with someone in healthy emotional attachments and who can honor and set boundaries. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 January 2013):
 I'm not sure that you have made a good choice. You had to chase her then ignored her. She went back to a promiscuous guy with no common sense or knowledge of birth control.
You'd only known her for 10 months before the 4 months break. She begged you to marry her and move in with her. She sounds like she expects the guy to swoop in and save her from herself... she's asking you to audition for the role of "White Knight" but I don't see her willing to go through the challenges of changing for you.
I'd continue on your path of change, of being cognizant of the ways you can be a better man. Just don't expect her to join you. I expect there are probably many women out there far better suited to you.
Just because you feel love for her and vice versa doesn't make you a good match, sorry to say.
Look at her actions, not her words. If she's expecting you to step in as a financial support right away, RED FLAG. I think she was rushing things, sorry.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I texted her and asked flat out. If I prove myself, and show you that I am a different person, will you come back. She told me that she defiantly will. I told her I don't want to get hurt, and she said she has no intention of hurting me. I told her that I want a woman who stands next to me, not in front of me, or behind me. Then I asked if she would stand beside me, and she said she will, if I show her that things are different.
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